Trying to find answers

[rriegler]

Hello I am the mother to 4 beautiful children. My 9 yr old daughter is from a previous marriage and we have shared parenting where she is with me for one week and her dad one week. I have suspected for a long time that there is something odd going on behind closed doors at her father's house. My motherly instincts tell me he is not overtly abusing her but by researching I have found 3 terms that seem to fit their relationship : covert abuse, emotional incest and enmeshment. I have her in counseling and have taken her for a sexual abuse assessment and nobody seems familiar with these types of abuse. I thought I would join a few forums to network to help me find answers to the main thing that keeps me up worrying at night. I have an open court case where I am asking for termination of shared parenting and have others including her dad's neighbors who believe they are more like a couple than dad and daughter. Thanks for any help you can offer

[loho]

What you are doing is so commendable. This type of relationship can be so damaging. I am 33 years old and struggling greatly with this. The three concepts you listed are all interrelated, it is about inappropriate closeness, lack of boundaries and a sense of identity that is waaaay too wrapped up in a parent. I think they all exist and thrive off of each other. There are some books you can read to get an idea.
www.amazon.com/The-Emotional-Incest-Syndrome
Parents/dp/055335275X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348339160&sr=8-1&keywords=emotional+incest


www.amazon.com/Silently-Seduced-Revised-Updated-Children/dp/0757315879/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1348339160&sr=8-2&keywords=emotional+incest

Perhaps you should consider screening the therapist before having your daughter in treatment. A good place to look for therapists is on the Psychology Today website. Ask the therapists if they are familiar with these concepts when you are speaking to them before choosing one.
That is my advice. Again, you are very wise and to be commended for your great efforts. I think what you are doing is wonderful. Don't give up.