Post by prettyinpink on Nov 27, 2011 9:47:24 GMT -8
Hello everyone. I'm so happy to come across this forum. I recently joined a different forum, and discussed my relationship issues, and I finally discovered the main reason for the possible issues in my relationship. I was told that my boyfriend and his mother are participating in emotional incest. Well here's my story...
My boyfriend of 3 years is 28 years old and he still sleeps in the same bed with his mother. They live in a 3 bedroom house, and my BF has his own room so this is not done out of necessity or lack of space. As of now I don't "think" it is anything sexual. I believe it is only out of habit and an emotional need trying to be met. His mother is a single mother, but whole family is very dysfunctional. The crazy thing is that my BFs father is married to another woman who is his legal wife. So basically, my BFs mother is 'the other woman'. My BFs father lives at his own house with his legal wife, and comes over to my BFs house to visit his mother for a couple of hours every night and then he heads to his own home. They all know about eachother by the way. And my BFs father has kids with his legal wife who are all the same age as my BF and his older brothers. It's all sick and twisted. My BFs older brothers seem 'normal' as they are all married and have families. My BF is the baby of the house and still lives at home.
At the age of 28 he finally graduated college and has gotten a job. I found out about him and his mothers sleeping arrangement at the begininng of our relationship. He told me about it and then his mom also told me one day. I explained to my BF that I thought this was very abnormal and sick. In the beginning he told me that his mom made him sleep with her. Then he told me, that there was nothing wrong with it because it's his mom and he loves her. He told me if I had a problem with it then I could leave because his mom would always be important. I told him I could not be with a man who slept with his mom. He told me he would stop doing it. As of recently when I ask him if he still sleeps with her he tells me he doesn't. However, I don't believe this. Because on a few occasions when I've gone to his house in the mornings, there are no bedsheets on his bed. Clearly, he doesn't sleep in his own bed. When I sleep over, he sleeps in his bed with me. On the rare occasions that his father sleeps over, my BF also sleeps in his own bed. When his brothers and their families sleep over, my BF sleeps in the living room or shares a bed with his brother in the guest room. It seems as if his mother and him only sleep together when no one else is around or as if they're trying to hide it. Overall, they have a very weird/creepy emotional bond that is not normal between mother and son. It's like they have no boundaries. When his mother is in the bathroom or on the toilet, he will go in the bathroom, and she does the same when he's in the bathroom. Also, when we are on his bed his mother will come in and start rubbing his back and kissing him on the cheek. One time his mother also said my BF had "sexy lips" in front of me.
Overall, my BF is a big momma's boy and does not have a healthy relationship with his mother. The family also does not have healthy relationships. He has seen triangle relationships his whole life and has seen his father with 2 wives. That could be the reason he has not been faithful to me. I have expressed all of these feelings to my boyfriend. I also suggested that I do believe him and his mother NEED to seek family therapy. He did undergo therapy as a child because he was sexually abused by a an older male cousin. He was also on medication for depression as a child and was also hospitalized for a while. He told me he stopped the meds and therapy because he was better. However, I think he needs to continue therapy because he has a lot of deep issues.
It's been 3 years and I feel like the relationship is coming to an end. Overall, I'm not happy and I'm starting to resent him. I don't feel that he puts me first in anything. I also worry about my future with him and I know I will never be able to have a healthy relationship with him. I also do not share the values his family has and I would never want to raise children in this type of environment. It just hurts so much because I love him. I just hope I can get the strength to get out of this and rebuild my life. I think the reason I have stayed so long is because a part of me just feels sorry for him and I want to fix all his problems but only deep therapy will be able to do that.
I also feel like I need therapy because all of his issues have definitely taken a toll on me. I really am just looking for support because I have lost many friends due to my relationship. I let my relationship take over my life and I made him my #1 priority, even though I am last on his list.
I'm starting to do a lot more research on Emotional/Covert Incest. I just wish my BF would go to therapy.
Thanks for reading. Any advice/comments are welcome.
My boyfriend of 3 years is 28 years old and he still sleeps in the same bed with his mother. They live in a 3 bedroom house, and my BF has his own room so this is not done out of necessity or lack of space. As of now I don't "think" it is anything sexual. I believe it is only out of habit and an emotional need trying to be met. His mother is a single mother, but whole family is very dysfunctional. The crazy thing is that my BFs father is married to another woman who is his legal wife. So basically, my BFs mother is 'the other woman'. My BFs father lives at his own house with his legal wife, and comes over to my BFs house to visit his mother for a couple of hours every night and then he heads to his own home. They all know about eachother by the way. And my BFs father has kids with his legal wife who are all the same age as my BF and his older brothers. It's all sick and twisted. My BFs older brothers seem 'normal' as they are all married and have families. My BF is the baby of the house and still lives at home.
At the age of 28 he finally graduated college and has gotten a job. I found out about him and his mothers sleeping arrangement at the begininng of our relationship. He told me about it and then his mom also told me one day. I explained to my BF that I thought this was very abnormal and sick. In the beginning he told me that his mom made him sleep with her. Then he told me, that there was nothing wrong with it because it's his mom and he loves her. He told me if I had a problem with it then I could leave because his mom would always be important. I told him I could not be with a man who slept with his mom. He told me he would stop doing it. As of recently when I ask him if he still sleeps with her he tells me he doesn't. However, I don't believe this. Because on a few occasions when I've gone to his house in the mornings, there are no bedsheets on his bed. Clearly, he doesn't sleep in his own bed. When I sleep over, he sleeps in his bed with me. On the rare occasions that his father sleeps over, my BF also sleeps in his own bed. When his brothers and their families sleep over, my BF sleeps in the living room or shares a bed with his brother in the guest room. It seems as if his mother and him only sleep together when no one else is around or as if they're trying to hide it. Overall, they have a very weird/creepy emotional bond that is not normal between mother and son. It's like they have no boundaries. When his mother is in the bathroom or on the toilet, he will go in the bathroom, and she does the same when he's in the bathroom. Also, when we are on his bed his mother will come in and start rubbing his back and kissing him on the cheek. One time his mother also said my BF had "sexy lips" in front of me.
Overall, my BF is a big momma's boy and does not have a healthy relationship with his mother. The family also does not have healthy relationships. He has seen triangle relationships his whole life and has seen his father with 2 wives. That could be the reason he has not been faithful to me. I have expressed all of these feelings to my boyfriend. I also suggested that I do believe him and his mother NEED to seek family therapy. He did undergo therapy as a child because he was sexually abused by a an older male cousin. He was also on medication for depression as a child and was also hospitalized for a while. He told me he stopped the meds and therapy because he was better. However, I think he needs to continue therapy because he has a lot of deep issues.
It's been 3 years and I feel like the relationship is coming to an end. Overall, I'm not happy and I'm starting to resent him. I don't feel that he puts me first in anything. I also worry about my future with him and I know I will never be able to have a healthy relationship with him. I also do not share the values his family has and I would never want to raise children in this type of environment. It just hurts so much because I love him. I just hope I can get the strength to get out of this and rebuild my life. I think the reason I have stayed so long is because a part of me just feels sorry for him and I want to fix all his problems but only deep therapy will be able to do that.
I also feel like I need therapy because all of his issues have definitely taken a toll on me. I really am just looking for support because I have lost many friends due to my relationship. I let my relationship take over my life and I made him my #1 priority, even though I am last on his list.
I'm starting to do a lot more research on Emotional/Covert Incest. I just wish my BF would go to therapy.
Thanks for reading. Any advice/comments are welcome.