Post by jo on Dec 4, 2008 14:50:44 GMT -8
Hello,
I was just wondering if you could help me. I have recently split from my boyfriend. He has had a drink problem for some time now and drinks about 3/4 to a bottle of vodka a night. When I confronted him about the amount of alcohol he drank he started hiding the bottle. The reason I am writing is because I have some worries about his 12 year old daughter. She visits him every other weekend. He was extremely bitter with his ex wife for splitting the family up over 4 years ago. He hates his ex wife with a passion. He always calls his ex wife "b*tch" in front of her and the ex wifes boyfriend he calls fat puff and the autistic son of his..... Well he kind of says he shouldnt be alive and this is all infront of the daughter. She slowly sarted to confide in me and tell me little things that upset her. She said "you are so lucky that you are a girlfriend because you can escape, I cant, Im stuck here". She told me that when her mum and dad were divorcing, it was horrible. Her dad had lied saying the divorce was her mothers fault and what a b*tch she was. She turned against her mum in the beginning but then found out later it was her dad lying.
He orders her around all the time never giving her, her own space. Everytime she came to see her dad on the weekend he would give her all the chores to do, sweeping, cleaning bathrooms, ironing and of course during the day she was dragged around the golf course for about 5 hours. She did not want to go and begged me to look after her. She had to do as she was told. He would never let her stay at her friends because it was "his time" to see her.
He will shout her to come down from upstairs just to ask her what she is doing. He would even shout her down if she has been too long in her bedroom and to come and watch a film. It didnt matter that she did not want to watch it. She had to. No ifs or buts. If she is on the computer or texting on her mobile he would be up continually asking what she is doing and he would read all her msn messages and all her texts. She used to get upset and tell me that her dad would say things like "why cant you be more like Jessica"? Jessica is an extremely intelligent girl and she felt she could not live up to that. She felt she was letting her dad down in some way. He used to very sporty with running and football and wanted her to be like him.
I thought he was a bit of a bully as he used to give me arm locks until I hurt my wrist one day but he used to give his daughter chinese burns and arm locks until I told him off for hurting her. He used to be a police man. She told him time and time again that it hurt but he never listened to her. She confided in me one day that she used to self harm herself but then didnt talk about it again. He also used to love dancing with her round the lounge and singing songs with her which I found cute at first but then I realised that his stare was a bit glazed with complete adoration. Whenever she danced in front of him she used to shake her breasts and he used to sit there with the same glazed eyes.
No matter how many times I said to him that I found this bizarre behaviour between father and daughter he always used to turn the blame onto me and say I was jealous or I resented his daughter or I was trying to cause a wedge between them. I ended up thinking I was in the wrong and that this is normal behaviour because he said so. Nobody else saw what was happening as it always happened inside the home, behind closed doors. When I 1st met him He had pictures of his daughter everywhere, even a zoomed in picture of her face on his laptop. She is a very beautiful girl and he calls her his princess which she adores. When she was born he said that his love seemed to transfer from his wife to his daughter and when he looked at his wife, she had a horrible huge head.
He was always wanting sex from me (morning, night, middle of the night) and if I said no he would make me feel guilty for saying no and refusing him and that it wasnt nice that I refused and that I should think about how he feels. One morning I refused as I just wanted to cuddle. I went into the bathroom and He shouted for his daughter to come in and give him a cuddle in his bed. She jumped into his bed, lying on her back and he turned towards her on his side putting one arm across her chest (bearing in mind that she is a growing young lady with rather large breasts for her age) and he put his right leg across her legs/thighs. I didnt know what to do. I came out and saw her face a bit screwed up. Once she got out I quietly went ballistic at him as I didnt think that was right. His answer was that she is his daughter and that he has always done that and that this is normal behaviour. Because I wasnt a parent myself I wouldnt understand.
Another night whilst I was out she rang me and asked me to come back asap. She told me her dad had fallen asleep in her bed. She told me later that he had drunk the ususal vodka, she had gone to bed to watch TV and he joined her and fell asleep. She said she couldnt get out of bed for ages as he was so heavy and she couldnt move. Thats when she shivered and then changed the subject completely. I still didnt find out what happened. More strange things happened. I remember I had some kinky boots. I bought them round 1 night and showed him. Then he shouted for his daughter to come and try these boots on. I was a bit hesitant as it didnt feel right to me. Then he said that she could borrow them off me to maybe go to a party or something.
I used to say to him "Why do you need me around as you have got a daughter, wife, mother, friend, confidant all rolled into one". She was honestly like his girlfriend. She constantly worried about him, about his drinking, even about his spots on his face and if he wasnt taking care of himself properly as he was over weight. I realised that she continually put herself out to please him. Sometimes she would lie to him about things. For example she sang along to songs that he liked and she hated ted them but she did it to please him. Its like he had her trained to look after him and run round after him like a puppet. He even asked me to teach her massage so that she could give him massages. Anyway I never did teach her as I didnt think it was right. Another time while he was lying on his back fully clothed, she sat on top of him, straddled across him and laughing with him. I didnt know where to look.
Since knowing him my health started suffering and I started taking anti depressants. I lost all self worth, self esteem and confidence and was scared to go out to see people. I only felt safe in the house at 1st. I couldnt put my finger on it at the time but I knew there was something wrong. As soon as I moved back to my mums I sprung back to life. Then he suddenly got vertigo and I had to move back in and help him. His daughter has also been suffering in health. She was off school for a long time. The doctor said it was post viral syndrome and that there could be some psychological issues.
With being so depressed I often cried alot. She told me that her dad used call her baby so she learnt to go upstairs and then come down all happy and put on a face so he wouldnt be horrible to her. She advised me to do the same. One day she asked why I was selling my car cos it was nice and asked if her dad was making me sell it because it belonged to my ex husband. He was always saying nasty things about my ex and making fun of him. He was a bit jealous.
One minute he would talk to her like an adult and the next he would talk to her like a 3 year old. He never seemed to be able to make a decision or do anything without consulting his daughter. He seemed to need her final opinion when buying his car and also about buying the house next door. When she didnt like it, his opinion changed and he didnt like the house anymore.
The only thing that worried me when we finished was leaving her and prayed that she would be ok, to stand up for herself and not be bullied by him anymore. I had been reading up on covert incest. It is extremely similar to what had been happening, as she is a daddys girl. Anyway please please if could you help me with anything, it would really be appreciated.
I was just wondering if you could help me. I have recently split from my boyfriend. He has had a drink problem for some time now and drinks about 3/4 to a bottle of vodka a night. When I confronted him about the amount of alcohol he drank he started hiding the bottle. The reason I am writing is because I have some worries about his 12 year old daughter. She visits him every other weekend. He was extremely bitter with his ex wife for splitting the family up over 4 years ago. He hates his ex wife with a passion. He always calls his ex wife "b*tch" in front of her and the ex wifes boyfriend he calls fat puff and the autistic son of his..... Well he kind of says he shouldnt be alive and this is all infront of the daughter. She slowly sarted to confide in me and tell me little things that upset her. She said "you are so lucky that you are a girlfriend because you can escape, I cant, Im stuck here". She told me that when her mum and dad were divorcing, it was horrible. Her dad had lied saying the divorce was her mothers fault and what a b*tch she was. She turned against her mum in the beginning but then found out later it was her dad lying.
He orders her around all the time never giving her, her own space. Everytime she came to see her dad on the weekend he would give her all the chores to do, sweeping, cleaning bathrooms, ironing and of course during the day she was dragged around the golf course for about 5 hours. She did not want to go and begged me to look after her. She had to do as she was told. He would never let her stay at her friends because it was "his time" to see her.
He will shout her to come down from upstairs just to ask her what she is doing. He would even shout her down if she has been too long in her bedroom and to come and watch a film. It didnt matter that she did not want to watch it. She had to. No ifs or buts. If she is on the computer or texting on her mobile he would be up continually asking what she is doing and he would read all her msn messages and all her texts. She used to get upset and tell me that her dad would say things like "why cant you be more like Jessica"? Jessica is an extremely intelligent girl and she felt she could not live up to that. She felt she was letting her dad down in some way. He used to very sporty with running and football and wanted her to be like him.
I thought he was a bit of a bully as he used to give me arm locks until I hurt my wrist one day but he used to give his daughter chinese burns and arm locks until I told him off for hurting her. He used to be a police man. She told him time and time again that it hurt but he never listened to her. She confided in me one day that she used to self harm herself but then didnt talk about it again. He also used to love dancing with her round the lounge and singing songs with her which I found cute at first but then I realised that his stare was a bit glazed with complete adoration. Whenever she danced in front of him she used to shake her breasts and he used to sit there with the same glazed eyes.
No matter how many times I said to him that I found this bizarre behaviour between father and daughter he always used to turn the blame onto me and say I was jealous or I resented his daughter or I was trying to cause a wedge between them. I ended up thinking I was in the wrong and that this is normal behaviour because he said so. Nobody else saw what was happening as it always happened inside the home, behind closed doors. When I 1st met him He had pictures of his daughter everywhere, even a zoomed in picture of her face on his laptop. She is a very beautiful girl and he calls her his princess which she adores. When she was born he said that his love seemed to transfer from his wife to his daughter and when he looked at his wife, she had a horrible huge head.
He was always wanting sex from me (morning, night, middle of the night) and if I said no he would make me feel guilty for saying no and refusing him and that it wasnt nice that I refused and that I should think about how he feels. One morning I refused as I just wanted to cuddle. I went into the bathroom and He shouted for his daughter to come in and give him a cuddle in his bed. She jumped into his bed, lying on her back and he turned towards her on his side putting one arm across her chest (bearing in mind that she is a growing young lady with rather large breasts for her age) and he put his right leg across her legs/thighs. I didnt know what to do. I came out and saw her face a bit screwed up. Once she got out I quietly went ballistic at him as I didnt think that was right. His answer was that she is his daughter and that he has always done that and that this is normal behaviour. Because I wasnt a parent myself I wouldnt understand.
Another night whilst I was out she rang me and asked me to come back asap. She told me her dad had fallen asleep in her bed. She told me later that he had drunk the ususal vodka, she had gone to bed to watch TV and he joined her and fell asleep. She said she couldnt get out of bed for ages as he was so heavy and she couldnt move. Thats when she shivered and then changed the subject completely. I still didnt find out what happened. More strange things happened. I remember I had some kinky boots. I bought them round 1 night and showed him. Then he shouted for his daughter to come and try these boots on. I was a bit hesitant as it didnt feel right to me. Then he said that she could borrow them off me to maybe go to a party or something.
I used to say to him "Why do you need me around as you have got a daughter, wife, mother, friend, confidant all rolled into one". She was honestly like his girlfriend. She constantly worried about him, about his drinking, even about his spots on his face and if he wasnt taking care of himself properly as he was over weight. I realised that she continually put herself out to please him. Sometimes she would lie to him about things. For example she sang along to songs that he liked and she hated ted them but she did it to please him. Its like he had her trained to look after him and run round after him like a puppet. He even asked me to teach her massage so that she could give him massages. Anyway I never did teach her as I didnt think it was right. Another time while he was lying on his back fully clothed, she sat on top of him, straddled across him and laughing with him. I didnt know where to look.
Since knowing him my health started suffering and I started taking anti depressants. I lost all self worth, self esteem and confidence and was scared to go out to see people. I only felt safe in the house at 1st. I couldnt put my finger on it at the time but I knew there was something wrong. As soon as I moved back to my mums I sprung back to life. Then he suddenly got vertigo and I had to move back in and help him. His daughter has also been suffering in health. She was off school for a long time. The doctor said it was post viral syndrome and that there could be some psychological issues.
With being so depressed I often cried alot. She told me that her dad used call her baby so she learnt to go upstairs and then come down all happy and put on a face so he wouldnt be horrible to her. She advised me to do the same. One day she asked why I was selling my car cos it was nice and asked if her dad was making me sell it because it belonged to my ex husband. He was always saying nasty things about my ex and making fun of him. He was a bit jealous.
One minute he would talk to her like an adult and the next he would talk to her like a 3 year old. He never seemed to be able to make a decision or do anything without consulting his daughter. He seemed to need her final opinion when buying his car and also about buying the house next door. When she didnt like it, his opinion changed and he didnt like the house anymore.
The only thing that worried me when we finished was leaving her and prayed that she would be ok, to stand up for herself and not be bullied by him anymore. I had been reading up on covert incest. It is extremely similar to what had been happening, as she is a daddys girl. Anyway please please if could you help me with anything, it would really be appreciated.
