Post by portlander on Jul 19, 2008 7:26:31 GMT -8
www.alwaysyourchoice.org/ayc/articles/incest_covert.php has a good article and explanation of covert incest.
I won't repeat the entire article here, but I do agree with the list of symptoms that the author lists in adult survivors:
1. Guilt about having legitimate needs or continually putting them behind those of the opposite-sex parent;
2. Feelings that one is never enough or truly lovable -- expectations to succeed in life that are unrealistic and have been set by the opposite-sex parent;
3. Inability to directly express anger towards the opposite-sex parent whose demands seem overwhelming;
4. A contempt for the same-sex parent who has been complicit in the covert incest;
5. Difficulty in maintaining relationships, often seeking a "perfect" person for a partner, or an idealized partner that can never live up to one's expectations -- leaving that partner and finding another, thus continuing this impossible odyssey;
6. Compulsions that can include workaholism or eating disorders or alcoholism;
7. A direct link to sex addiction or sexual shutdown -- an objectified child usually has inappropriate sexual energy and the adult survivor, often uncomfortable "in his own skin," uses sexual addiction to self-medicate.
Only thing I would add is that sometimes #5 is just the opposite - Sometimes, because of low self esteem , we seek out a partner that we perceive to be just as messed up as we perceive ouselves to be; We're not "good enough" for anything better. And sometimes it's a mixture of the two opposites - We alternate between seeking out someone as dysfunctional as we are, and holding it against them that they're not perfect.
I won't repeat the entire article here, but I do agree with the list of symptoms that the author lists in adult survivors:
1. Guilt about having legitimate needs or continually putting them behind those of the opposite-sex parent;
2. Feelings that one is never enough or truly lovable -- expectations to succeed in life that are unrealistic and have been set by the opposite-sex parent;
3. Inability to directly express anger towards the opposite-sex parent whose demands seem overwhelming;
4. A contempt for the same-sex parent who has been complicit in the covert incest;
5. Difficulty in maintaining relationships, often seeking a "perfect" person for a partner, or an idealized partner that can never live up to one's expectations -- leaving that partner and finding another, thus continuing this impossible odyssey;
6. Compulsions that can include workaholism or eating disorders or alcoholism;
7. A direct link to sex addiction or sexual shutdown -- an objectified child usually has inappropriate sexual energy and the adult survivor, often uncomfortable "in his own skin," uses sexual addiction to self-medicate.
Only thing I would add is that sometimes #5 is just the opposite - Sometimes, because of low self esteem , we seek out a partner that we perceive to be just as messed up as we perceive ouselves to be; We're not "good enough" for anything better. And sometimes it's a mixture of the two opposites - We alternate between seeking out someone as dysfunctional as we are, and holding it against them that they're not perfect.