afraid of violence/aggression from father

[jamie]

I am afraid that by setting increasingly firmer boundaries with my father, I am placing myself and my partner and soon-to-be-born baby at risk of either physical violence or some other form of aggression.

I'm also really afraid of the safety, both physical and emotional of my child as she grows up if she has contact with my father.

Does anyone have any experiences that may be relevant to these concerns?

[bluelake]

jamie, i've read about other adults stopping all contact from an abusive parent(s) for their sake and their child's sake. many rwaliuzed one or both parent's continued to be abusive, overbearing, controlling, domineering, manipulative, exploitive, backstabbing, continue to treat them like they were property and like their parent(s) owned them. your an adult. you have rights. that was what the civil rights and women's movement was all about.
i've been in therapy for about 4 years and both my therapist and case manager have said to me a number of times, "you have rights." both have been supportive of me in ways noone else has been. my case manager has said to me about a neighbor that has strung me along for 8 years, "your not her bank." one of the rights listed that my therapists gave to me states, "i'm not responsible for other peoples problems. your responsible for yourself, your child, your happiness. your not financially responsible for other people or their happiness.
i've been financially exploited by other people, often by single parents. i've listened to other single people be financially used by single mothers, single parents or parents.
i met a gentleman outside of a library today and he talked about people that have used him, used him, and used him. he said people attach themselves to givers and just keep on taking, taking, and taking. they just dump you after using you or exploiting you. i've experienced that. he said he finally stopped giving. he was an angry man. he's right. i've been unable to say most of my life, to protect myself, stand up for myself, or assert myself, set boundaries, emotional, financial or otherwise for my entire life. its only been in the last few years, two, because of reading current information, by ph.d's, therapists, etc.
that i'm realizing i don't have to listen to other people, including both my parents, and most of my coworkers vented nonstop about themselves and their problems. i'm not their parent nor am i their therapist. my parents and my coworkers were extremely selfish, self absorbed and self centered.
most were nice to me only when they wanted something from me or wanted to use me. otherwise they didn't give a damn about me.
most people are manipulative, use covert aggression, guilt trip others into dating, being emotionally or financially responsible for them.
my neighbor whose strung me along for 8 years wanted me to take take of everything for her, her daughters, and her grandson. she's chronic about getting total strangers and acquaintences to do for her or give to her. i told her i'm not responsible for her and her grandson, she is and noone else is. i said i didn't care if she thought it was fair, she's not fair. told her she hung herself with her own words.
unfortunately i've started doing similar behavior with my outreach worker and she is "letting" me. take responsibility for her, be a parent to her, and take care of her and she is older than i am by seven years. i don't know how to change gears. these people are adults and with my with my neighbor there was no reciprocity. something is wrong with me, i'm so screwed up.
i have another neighbor, who said she's tried to buy friends. i've been doing that all my life and i'm so wicked unbalanced.

i tried telling my therapist i was screwed up and she's said there's nothing with being generous. she's not getting it. she doesn't know how extreme my giving has been and i've been trying to tell her. i can't afford this extreme giving. most people don't say no and just ask for more and more and never stop taking and asking for more. that's what my neighbor did and she's not been the only one to do that to me.