Post by civ on Oct 10, 2003 16:33:11 GMT -8
Hi,
I am not a victim (except a very minor victim and fortunately I was old enough to deal with it).
However, my partner is; but there is more and it isn't coming out.
She is 36. We had been going out for eighteen months. Sexually - there were, I see now, some fairly big signs of CSA eg. kshe couldn't kiss, sex was NEVER intimate. There were also some signs of physical abuse: she would always tell me to hit her when I was angry; and she would be paranoic about bruises that we would get just playing around.
But overwhelming is CI. We were doing fine - really well after eighteen months. Then she went back to see her parents, and she just turned on me. She started having no time for me; and then actually hated me. We've broken up now two years on from her turning point, but since then I've read enough to see that this is not a simple break-up; and am keen to help her out and maybe get back together if she can deal with things.
The real question I have - and I have posted everywhere...is this.
For a series of reasons, I think she feels she betrayed me sexually in the past two years. She did it once before, and the pattern is identical. And I think, I think, that aged thirty four, thirty five and thirty six, she has probably done something with her father. Her whole manner speaks guilt, and bonds of shame.
The normal literature on CSA basically doesn't talk about continuation into adulthood - it seems to be very very one way: powerful parent, weak victim.
But the CI pattern continues into adulthood - the child feeling responsible well into their life, and feeling compelled to satisfy the needs of a father. I am wondering if CI can some degree of sexual aspect. Gut feeling: I think they french kiss. I think that because I think he wouldn't dare anything more; and because she could never french kiss me. I think she feels horribly dirty and just cannot get out of the hole she feels she is in. It must be impossible to try to tell me.
Does anyone know of anything similar?
I am not a victim (except a very minor victim and fortunately I was old enough to deal with it).
However, my partner is; but there is more and it isn't coming out.
She is 36. We had been going out for eighteen months. Sexually - there were, I see now, some fairly big signs of CSA eg. kshe couldn't kiss, sex was NEVER intimate. There were also some signs of physical abuse: she would always tell me to hit her when I was angry; and she would be paranoic about bruises that we would get just playing around.
But overwhelming is CI. We were doing fine - really well after eighteen months. Then she went back to see her parents, and she just turned on me. She started having no time for me; and then actually hated me. We've broken up now two years on from her turning point, but since then I've read enough to see that this is not a simple break-up; and am keen to help her out and maybe get back together if she can deal with things.
The real question I have - and I have posted everywhere...is this.
For a series of reasons, I think she feels she betrayed me sexually in the past two years. She did it once before, and the pattern is identical. And I think, I think, that aged thirty four, thirty five and thirty six, she has probably done something with her father. Her whole manner speaks guilt, and bonds of shame.
The normal literature on CSA basically doesn't talk about continuation into adulthood - it seems to be very very one way: powerful parent, weak victim.
But the CI pattern continues into adulthood - the child feeling responsible well into their life, and feeling compelled to satisfy the needs of a father. I am wondering if CI can some degree of sexual aspect. Gut feeling: I think they french kiss. I think that because I think he wouldn't dare anything more; and because she could never french kiss me. I think she feels horribly dirty and just cannot get out of the hole she feels she is in. It must be impossible to try to tell me.
Does anyone know of anything similar?