Post by jdev54 on Nov 16, 2023 14:16:34 GMT -8
I am a 23yr old male. Been in therapy for 4 years now. My therapist told me about the book 'Silently Seduced' and even read it with me 1 chapter a week. My therapist was the first one to inform me about covert/emotional incest as she suspected I had been a victim at an early age after telling her about my sexual addiction and desire to be romantic with older women and my sexual addiction. I also felt in the past a very strong need to be there for, protect and fix the problems of girls I have dated before. Mix in the intense fear of them abandoning me, I was so needy as a teenager in the dating world.
Today I am healing but it is still very hard. I understand what covert incest is but still have a cloudy view of how it has taken place in my life and its effects. I believe I was the surrogate partner to both my parents and primarily my mom. I remember things like my mom changing clothes in front of me as a kid, telling me she was sexually dissatisfied with dad and blaming me and yelling at me when I didn't live up to her standards. I remember 2 times when she came to me crying because she wasn't sure if her boyfriend at the time really wanted to be with her. With my dad is slightly different, encouraging me to protect mom and be there for her when he should have been there for her, also telling me "I am likely going to divorce your mom but I need you to keep it a secret." With my dad it's more the abandonment of not being stood up for when my mom was harsh towards me.
Today as I write this, I am going through transference with my therapist. My issues with covert incest has caused me to naturally transfer the erotic energy felt from my mom onto my therapist. Often in long-term therapy, transference takes place and with me being male and therapist female I subconsciously re-enact my relationship with my mom. I feel like I want to protect her, be with her romantically and give her my heart. My therapist is great and knows covert incest and is trying to help me though it. I have developed some emotional dependency on my therapist, I believe its my "younger self" wanting to receive the love from his mommy that he never got. My sexual addiction is not helping me and I have created a rich fantasy life involving my therapist that I am trying so hard to get rid of and be committed to reality. I am however in a support group for sexual addiction. The book "Silently Seduced" talked about the fantasy life we have created to protect ourselves from the feelings of abandonment and covert incest. I miss my therapist a lot between sessions and I want a romantic relationship with her. Again, due to the covert incest. This will never be, and I am trying to allow myself to heal and get rid of my fantasy life and allow this healthy therapeutic relationship to heal my inner psyche. Thanks for reading I hope this encourages someone.
Today I am healing but it is still very hard. I understand what covert incest is but still have a cloudy view of how it has taken place in my life and its effects. I believe I was the surrogate partner to both my parents and primarily my mom. I remember things like my mom changing clothes in front of me as a kid, telling me she was sexually dissatisfied with dad and blaming me and yelling at me when I didn't live up to her standards. I remember 2 times when she came to me crying because she wasn't sure if her boyfriend at the time really wanted to be with her. With my dad is slightly different, encouraging me to protect mom and be there for her when he should have been there for her, also telling me "I am likely going to divorce your mom but I need you to keep it a secret." With my dad it's more the abandonment of not being stood up for when my mom was harsh towards me.
Today as I write this, I am going through transference with my therapist. My issues with covert incest has caused me to naturally transfer the erotic energy felt from my mom onto my therapist. Often in long-term therapy, transference takes place and with me being male and therapist female I subconsciously re-enact my relationship with my mom. I feel like I want to protect her, be with her romantically and give her my heart. My therapist is great and knows covert incest and is trying to help me though it. I have developed some emotional dependency on my therapist, I believe its my "younger self" wanting to receive the love from his mommy that he never got. My sexual addiction is not helping me and I have created a rich fantasy life involving my therapist that I am trying so hard to get rid of and be committed to reality. I am however in a support group for sexual addiction. The book "Silently Seduced" talked about the fantasy life we have created to protect ourselves from the feelings of abandonment and covert incest. I miss my therapist a lot between sessions and I want a romantic relationship with her. Again, due to the covert incest. This will never be, and I am trying to allow myself to heal and get rid of my fantasy life and allow this healthy therapeutic relationship to heal my inner psyche. Thanks for reading I hope this encourages someone.