Post by covertincestwarrior on Feb 23, 2023 0:05:58 GMT -8
Twenty five years ago, my therapist broke the news to me -- "I believe your mother engaged in an emotional incest dynamic with you," she said. What she meant did not dawn on me until several years later I was reaping the consequences of such thing.
I'm still struggling with the fact that my loving and caring mother would do something like that to me. Of course, she was totally unaware of the consequences of her actions -- her unhealthy response was triggered by the divorce of my parents, as painful as it was for her it was probably for me. Her unconscious-driven behaviour was obviously directed at me because she did not know how to process the anger and frustration of being sexually rejected by my father -- at least that was what she told me when I asked the reasons for her filing the divorce. She needed someone to process and resolve her feelings and emotions, which is the job of a qualified psychotherapist, not her only son's, the youngest of her 3 children. But instead, she dumped on me all of those feelings, transposing her toxic feelings and emotions to me. After telling me all of the bad things my father did to us, she would finish the emotional transaction many times saying: "Oh, but he is your father and you must love him." Really?
I grew up resenting my father for all the bad things my mother told me he did to her. Such resentment did not leave my body until I was in my 30s. After many hours of bioenergetic therapy, I came to have peace with my long-gone father and I can say with all honesty that I always loved him.
As an fully-functional adult, I now understand why she did that, and this understanding helps my inner child heal and accept what happened between my mother and I. She not only transferred the anger, frustration, and humiliation of being cheated on, but also her fear of abandonment and sometimes harsh feelings of rejection and loneliness. My father left home, but he always was a caring and loving man, who visited us kids every week to do something fun, going to eat at restaurants, etc. He never abandoned us, literally. He showed his love and affection the best he could. He paid for our education and rewarded us with lavish gifts and presents, such as trips to Europe and United States when we graduated from high school. He bought my first car when I went to Engineering School, something I will always be grateful for.
Part of my healing journey was to write a letter to my inner child, telling him with all love and affection that he was never abandoned by either of his parents, and that I will always be there to protect him from harm. I am now and have been for years a responsible and productive citizen of my country. I love my life and am grateful for the opportunity to know joy, love, hope, and affection.
Thanks for reading this.
I'm still struggling with the fact that my loving and caring mother would do something like that to me. Of course, she was totally unaware of the consequences of her actions -- her unhealthy response was triggered by the divorce of my parents, as painful as it was for her it was probably for me. Her unconscious-driven behaviour was obviously directed at me because she did not know how to process the anger and frustration of being sexually rejected by my father -- at least that was what she told me when I asked the reasons for her filing the divorce. She needed someone to process and resolve her feelings and emotions, which is the job of a qualified psychotherapist, not her only son's, the youngest of her 3 children. But instead, she dumped on me all of those feelings, transposing her toxic feelings and emotions to me. After telling me all of the bad things my father did to us, she would finish the emotional transaction many times saying: "Oh, but he is your father and you must love him." Really?
I grew up resenting my father for all the bad things my mother told me he did to her. Such resentment did not leave my body until I was in my 30s. After many hours of bioenergetic therapy, I came to have peace with my long-gone father and I can say with all honesty that I always loved him.
As an fully-functional adult, I now understand why she did that, and this understanding helps my inner child heal and accept what happened between my mother and I. She not only transferred the anger, frustration, and humiliation of being cheated on, but also her fear of abandonment and sometimes harsh feelings of rejection and loneliness. My father left home, but he always was a caring and loving man, who visited us kids every week to do something fun, going to eat at restaurants, etc. He never abandoned us, literally. He showed his love and affection the best he could. He paid for our education and rewarded us with lavish gifts and presents, such as trips to Europe and United States when we graduated from high school. He bought my first car when I went to Engineering School, something I will always be grateful for.
Part of my healing journey was to write a letter to my inner child, telling him with all love and affection that he was never abandoned by either of his parents, and that I will always be there to protect him from harm. I am now and have been for years a responsible and productive citizen of my country. I love my life and am grateful for the opportunity to know joy, love, hope, and affection.
Thanks for reading this.