Anyone experience covert abuse from a parent & a sibling?
Apr 9, 2021 0:32:17 GMT -8
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faithoverfeardear likes this
Post by faithoverfeardear on Apr 9, 2021 0:32:17 GMT -8
Hi. Not sure what to say but I know me being able to pinpoint why I am like I am and why I struggle like I struggle is a feeling that I cannot explain.
Growing up I was the youngest out of 4 siblings. I had a very “cool” 10 years older than me brother and 7 years older than me sister and always wanted to be Like them. Than it was my sister and myself only 13 months apart from each other, we grew up llike twins.
Anyways to make a long story short my oldest sister sexually abused me and my “twin” sister.. I don’t remember much but bits and pieces as with my sister. All I know is that I ended up telling my mom what she was doing and she got in trouble but besides that is was never mentioned again and swept under the rug/ and for years to come my oldest sister continuously verbally abused me, called me horrific names, body shamed me down to the way I talked and my tone of voice. Every interest I liked she would make it a laughing topic and just tear me to pieces. I liked sports And was good at them but was called a boy and a lesbian for it up until freshmen year of HS I switched from sports to rebellion beginning my substance abuse addiction. My “twin” sis was able to see all these truths my oldest sister was doing to me and would try and tell me but i looked up to her so much I wouldn’t see it the way she did, I refused to think family would do that to one another and I told myself l that and I absorbed her words like a child sponge and believed every bit of her cruel comments about every part of my body to the way I walked (mother was so depressed and dealing with a divorce so she was unavailable most of my life and unaware to any of this ) I was unaware to any of this up up til about 5 years ago. My “twin” sister started her healing journey a lot earlier than mine. Up until I was 27 I was heavy into party scene drug use self destruction shame guilt confusion all while still getting “support” from my family.
As children my oldest siblings would be out all the time and my twin was isolated in her awareness and was often in her room reading or staying to herself and within a space she could control.
I only the other hand was the goto for it all for my mother. As far as her depression and extreme ways of acting out, hyperventilating, crying hysterically and never communicating about what was actually wrong at all to me. I would sit next to her for hours week after week while she sobbed her eyes out as if the world was horrific and there is no joy or hope. In my teens I began to blend in my rebelliousness with why my mother was so sad and constantly tired lethargic and sad and not living her best life. So I lived a shameful life of “I’m not worthy and continued to get that label from family around me almost treating me if I was handicapped- as I was the poor drug addicted little sister who got lost and I continuously got judged , talked about in the open by my dad brother or sister speaking on behalf of my drug addiction (in my European culture this is very frowned apon especially with woman )’(also in European culture it is very image based. Old school traditional for how the woman should behave act and be) so I felt deeply not worthy to my core down to me being a little thicker than my two older sisters and being funny and out going “like one of the boys” I was not used to being recognized for the pretty little girl so I naturally didn’t see myself as pretty whatsoever. When around family I shut down and would always find ways to pull away from home by hanging out w the wrong crowds that “accepted” me in which I believed was unmanageable and unlovable. Never being able to do the “right” thing and this came with constantly judging myself, the target of jokes and the people that “loved me” to the world always showing me disgusted-facial expressions when I needed support.
Fast forward to today and I’m 30 , have twin boys myself who are 7 and began to heal once I realized how out of wack I was and still am. My “twin” sister and me still are pressing through our healings and we can discuss our boundaries with our oldest sister etc but when I try and explain to her about my mother she thinks I am over exaggerating and questions over n over again why I am so angry at her as if she gets angry at me for being that way towards our mom and than I once again , hold that heaviness of failure, no self control, unable to understand my emotions, never really growing up, and internalize it cuz , what else could it be right?
I have a therapist and I plan to tell him all of this next session and I pray that he understands and can help me conquer this for me and my twin boys lives and mental health for our futures.
Every post was very interesting and prior to finding this “emotional incest” I was researching sibling bonds and the root and effect of cruelty, and narcissistic older sisters- but haven’t seen much on this tread about both of these intertwined.
I’m grateful for God and the small milestones of wisdom and insight he shares through awareness and actively seeking what is right and good for not only ourselves but others.
Growing up I was the youngest out of 4 siblings. I had a very “cool” 10 years older than me brother and 7 years older than me sister and always wanted to be Like them. Than it was my sister and myself only 13 months apart from each other, we grew up llike twins.
Anyways to make a long story short my oldest sister sexually abused me and my “twin” sister.. I don’t remember much but bits and pieces as with my sister. All I know is that I ended up telling my mom what she was doing and she got in trouble but besides that is was never mentioned again and swept under the rug/ and for years to come my oldest sister continuously verbally abused me, called me horrific names, body shamed me down to the way I talked and my tone of voice. Every interest I liked she would make it a laughing topic and just tear me to pieces. I liked sports And was good at them but was called a boy and a lesbian for it up until freshmen year of HS I switched from sports to rebellion beginning my substance abuse addiction. My “twin” sis was able to see all these truths my oldest sister was doing to me and would try and tell me but i looked up to her so much I wouldn’t see it the way she did, I refused to think family would do that to one another and I told myself l that and I absorbed her words like a child sponge and believed every bit of her cruel comments about every part of my body to the way I walked (mother was so depressed and dealing with a divorce so she was unavailable most of my life and unaware to any of this ) I was unaware to any of this up up til about 5 years ago. My “twin” sister started her healing journey a lot earlier than mine. Up until I was 27 I was heavy into party scene drug use self destruction shame guilt confusion all while still getting “support” from my family.
As children my oldest siblings would be out all the time and my twin was isolated in her awareness and was often in her room reading or staying to herself and within a space she could control.
I only the other hand was the goto for it all for my mother. As far as her depression and extreme ways of acting out, hyperventilating, crying hysterically and never communicating about what was actually wrong at all to me. I would sit next to her for hours week after week while she sobbed her eyes out as if the world was horrific and there is no joy or hope. In my teens I began to blend in my rebelliousness with why my mother was so sad and constantly tired lethargic and sad and not living her best life. So I lived a shameful life of “I’m not worthy and continued to get that label from family around me almost treating me if I was handicapped- as I was the poor drug addicted little sister who got lost and I continuously got judged , talked about in the open by my dad brother or sister speaking on behalf of my drug addiction (in my European culture this is very frowned apon especially with woman )’(also in European culture it is very image based. Old school traditional for how the woman should behave act and be) so I felt deeply not worthy to my core down to me being a little thicker than my two older sisters and being funny and out going “like one of the boys” I was not used to being recognized for the pretty little girl so I naturally didn’t see myself as pretty whatsoever. When around family I shut down and would always find ways to pull away from home by hanging out w the wrong crowds that “accepted” me in which I believed was unmanageable and unlovable. Never being able to do the “right” thing and this came with constantly judging myself, the target of jokes and the people that “loved me” to the world always showing me disgusted-facial expressions when I needed support.
Fast forward to today and I’m 30 , have twin boys myself who are 7 and began to heal once I realized how out of wack I was and still am. My “twin” sister and me still are pressing through our healings and we can discuss our boundaries with our oldest sister etc but when I try and explain to her about my mother she thinks I am over exaggerating and questions over n over again why I am so angry at her as if she gets angry at me for being that way towards our mom and than I once again , hold that heaviness of failure, no self control, unable to understand my emotions, never really growing up, and internalize it cuz , what else could it be right?
I have a therapist and I plan to tell him all of this next session and I pray that he understands and can help me conquer this for me and my twin boys lives and mental health for our futures.
Every post was very interesting and prior to finding this “emotional incest” I was researching sibling bonds and the root and effect of cruelty, and narcissistic older sisters- but haven’t seen much on this tread about both of these intertwined.
I’m grateful for God and the small milestones of wisdom and insight he shares through awareness and actively seeking what is right and good for not only ourselves but others.