Post by evilkitty94 on Sept 25, 2018 21:04:49 GMT -8
For many years I was the Golden Child in a Covert Incest situation. I am a female and the situation is with my mother mostly but my father as well. I feel embarrassed to need a support group when other people's stories are more severe. My parents weren't addicts. They never touched us sexually. My dad liked to watch porn in front of us kids. There was porn everywhere. He enjoyed calling my brothers f*g**ts and cocksuckers, which I always thought was weird. Mostly, I didn't exist to him. He was impossible to please. The only way I saw him consider women was as servants, through sports (probably because he liked a thin woman, fat women were gross and how could they let themselves go) and saw women as sex objects. My mom did everything. He literally sat in his bedroom, which was locked and away from us. My mom didn't even know where he worked or his work's phone number in case there was an emergency.
As a neglected wife with a murky sense of boundaries, my mother dealt with her unhealthy marriage as using me as a counselor, friend, and partner in life. We had a common enemy: my father. We raised my little sister together. She never touched me. As a matter of fact, she wouldn't let me touch her at all. It isn't like my mother was trying to abuse me. She was married at 15, had 2 kids with an abusive man by 18, moved in with my dad to escape that abusive man. She didn't know what she was doing. But I watched my sister from 3 until 11 five nights a week. I cooked dinner, did the dishes, bathed my sister, put her to bed, cleaned the house, reheated dinner for my mother and then listened to her tell me in utter detail about her day. She never once asked about mine. If I tried to tell her something, she would talk over me. My mother needed a husband and she projected his responsibilities onto me. I would try to do my homework but my mom would interrupt me with complaining about her problems. Sometimes she would talk to me until 2 AM on weekdays. I knew my mom's sexual problems with my dad. She showed me naked pictures she found in my dad's car of a woman he was having an affair with. I was 12.
I remember when I went to Cedar Point with my church, she invited herself along then was angry because I wanted to spend it with my boyfriend. She cried loud sobs for hours and hours that night and wouldn't talk to me for days. Oh the guilt. My friends were all bad. Men were bad. Children were a nuisance. I was my mother's sounding board and emotional support and provider. I worried about bills with her, listened to her worry about my brother's drug and drinking problem, made plans to raise my sister with her, was told she couldn't leave my dad because it was our Christian duty to be a good example so that he might repent and then end up in Heaven. We needed to be good or he would burn in hell for eternity. My mom didn't do this to control me. She really believes it. But it was quite a burden and a stressful way to live.
I finally broke free of this at 19 when I joined an acting troupe in order to escape being her personal counselor. She connected likewise to my little sister who is 11 years younger and now she has the same very unhealthy situation with her.
Tonight I went out with my brother for my birthday. He says I am exaggerating things and mom was never that way. Easy for him to say, he was older but not a female and not the golden child. My mother and father both believed that diapers, cleaning and house chores were for women while my brothers were in a different world where they did what they wanted. He says that I should be nicer to mom because she thinks I hate her. I don't hate her. I am jealous. What a weird thing for someone who has broken free of being the Golden Child to say. But my mom broke up with me for my sister and I am now invisible. I was my mom's life and favorite child for years. Now my sister and my sister's child are her life. My sister was bought a house, was sent to college, her son is at my mother's house 3 days a week and has his own room. She literally spells my children's names wrong on their Christmas gifts. She hasn't seen my kids or her great grandchildren in years and we live 20 minutes away. I tried to set up something last year where my kids would see my mom. She didn't want to be bothered. My mother has 11 grandchildren and 4 children. Yet she only helps my sister out. I asked my mother to take me to the hospital because I was having an operation and she told me to get a cab. Another time I had to be driven to a hospital every day for 3 months because I had an unknown blood infection. I asked her to drive me 2 weeks in advance one of those days. She couldn't because she was too busy seeing sick people at her church.
Obviously my family has heard enough of me. So I figured maybe I could a forum to complain things about because this anger is something that is affecting my everyday life in a negative way.
As a neglected wife with a murky sense of boundaries, my mother dealt with her unhealthy marriage as using me as a counselor, friend, and partner in life. We had a common enemy: my father. We raised my little sister together. She never touched me. As a matter of fact, she wouldn't let me touch her at all. It isn't like my mother was trying to abuse me. She was married at 15, had 2 kids with an abusive man by 18, moved in with my dad to escape that abusive man. She didn't know what she was doing. But I watched my sister from 3 until 11 five nights a week. I cooked dinner, did the dishes, bathed my sister, put her to bed, cleaned the house, reheated dinner for my mother and then listened to her tell me in utter detail about her day. She never once asked about mine. If I tried to tell her something, she would talk over me. My mother needed a husband and she projected his responsibilities onto me. I would try to do my homework but my mom would interrupt me with complaining about her problems. Sometimes she would talk to me until 2 AM on weekdays. I knew my mom's sexual problems with my dad. She showed me naked pictures she found in my dad's car of a woman he was having an affair with. I was 12.
I remember when I went to Cedar Point with my church, she invited herself along then was angry because I wanted to spend it with my boyfriend. She cried loud sobs for hours and hours that night and wouldn't talk to me for days. Oh the guilt. My friends were all bad. Men were bad. Children were a nuisance. I was my mother's sounding board and emotional support and provider. I worried about bills with her, listened to her worry about my brother's drug and drinking problem, made plans to raise my sister with her, was told she couldn't leave my dad because it was our Christian duty to be a good example so that he might repent and then end up in Heaven. We needed to be good or he would burn in hell for eternity. My mom didn't do this to control me. She really believes it. But it was quite a burden and a stressful way to live.
I finally broke free of this at 19 when I joined an acting troupe in order to escape being her personal counselor. She connected likewise to my little sister who is 11 years younger and now she has the same very unhealthy situation with her.
Tonight I went out with my brother for my birthday. He says I am exaggerating things and mom was never that way. Easy for him to say, he was older but not a female and not the golden child. My mother and father both believed that diapers, cleaning and house chores were for women while my brothers were in a different world where they did what they wanted. He says that I should be nicer to mom because she thinks I hate her. I don't hate her. I am jealous. What a weird thing for someone who has broken free of being the Golden Child to say. But my mom broke up with me for my sister and I am now invisible. I was my mom's life and favorite child for years. Now my sister and my sister's child are her life. My sister was bought a house, was sent to college, her son is at my mother's house 3 days a week and has his own room. She literally spells my children's names wrong on their Christmas gifts. She hasn't seen my kids or her great grandchildren in years and we live 20 minutes away. I tried to set up something last year where my kids would see my mom. She didn't want to be bothered. My mother has 11 grandchildren and 4 children. Yet she only helps my sister out. I asked my mother to take me to the hospital because I was having an operation and she told me to get a cab. Another time I had to be driven to a hospital every day for 3 months because I had an unknown blood infection. I asked her to drive me 2 weeks in advance one of those days. She couldn't because she was too busy seeing sick people at her church.
Obviously my family has heard enough of me. So I figured maybe I could a forum to complain things about because this anger is something that is affecting my everyday life in a negative way.