Post by ziggy on Dec 19, 2016 5:29:53 GMT -8
I'd just Ike to start off by saying I am female. Growing up I was always aware of what was going on in my parents marriage, they weren't happy. My dad worked a lot and I was always scared of him. He was a very angry man who used to throw fits of rage over the smallest thing for nothing. My mum often took me and my siblings away from him so he could just be in the house alone. Anyway. I do not think my dad was mentally well, he had a desire for materialistic things and had countless affairs behind my mums back, as I said they were not happy. My dad began from a young age to single me out, he openly told me and my mum I was his favourite child, I didn't always like being around him as I was scared of him but I felt I had no choice, I felt constantly confused that he could be so angry and so nice all at the same time. Even if I did not want to do things with him, he would guilt trip me until I did, this included things like sitting on his knee next to him on the sofa, one time he made me lie beside him while he put his hand up the back of my top and rubbed my back constantly saying 'do you like that'. I remember once when I was ten I had been playing out in the mud and I needed to bathe to get all the mud out my hair but my dad insisted on washing me. I felt so scared and disgusted the whole time it was happening I couldn't believe he'd barged in and I felt horrible I just wanted him to leave but I felt like I couldn't. I remember once in a car journey after my parents seperated that he rubbed my thigh in the car, after that I was too creeped out to go near him again. I remember my dad openly used to tell my mum infront of me ''you never hold my hand or touch me anymore'. After that he used to openly tell my mum he was jealous that i preferred my mum to him, and it made me feel awful so I felt like I had to comply and make him feel better. My dad used to go through my emails and make fun of me when I saw friends he was constantly mocking me for hanging out with boys and laughing at the idea of me having a boyfriend and constantly used to ask me about it. Once when we walked through a shopping centre he'd tell me he thought I'd look sexy in an outfit in a shop window. He used to openly talk sexually about celebrities too. I know this is not typically how covert incest works - where I have a good relationship with my mum that my dad is jealous of. I was always scared of my dad and always felt used by him, 'u happiness didn't matter when it came to him. But he was weirdly fascinated by mr and always called me his favourite. Agh. I just feel silly. I sometimes feel like I imagined everything.
