Post by wifetobe on Jan 14, 2004 9:52:20 GMT -8
Last Friday, my fiance confronted his mom about her behavior. She apologized and said she knew she was wrong. She did not freak our or cry. This concerns me. I truly believe she read my wish list at Amazon, and knew this conversation was coming. Friday night, my fiance and I got in a fight. He thinks I don't trust him, because he said she is going to change. Well, this is the 4th time she said she is sorry and will change. I tried to explain to him that I trust him, I just don't believe her. He does this forgive and forget stuff, and 2 or 3 months later, the crap is so hot, again, he confronts her about her behavior. During the down time, she talks about me and my family to him. She has all kinds of car and computer problems to get him out there. It is infuriating. She always apologizes and says the right thing when he confronts her, so he gives her the benefit of the doubt. I see this as another manipulation on her part. He told her not to call so much and that we would not be going out there very often. Well, he left her house at 4:15 on Friday. She called Sat with a computer issue, after he told her Friday he would be happy to take the computer, fix it at our house and return it to his dad at work. She called MY MOM Sat, also. She lied about some stuff to my mom and talked about her computer and how it is broken to her. Then, she called him Sunday. His brother called Sunday, too. Then, Monday morning she called 3 times before noon. He left his cell phone at home, so I could see her calls. She calls him on his cell phone or at work. If they call at night, his brother will call or his dad. My fiance called her Monday afternoon, because I told him she called 3 times. He talked to her yesterday, too. All under the guise of computer problems. We live a good 45 minutes to an hour away from them, so it is a pain to go over there all the time. So, my fiance will go during the day, because he works halfway between us. He also spoke to his dad yesterday, who at first acted like it would be a problem for him to stay there the night before our wedding, because there will be company there. Anyway, this is all piddly crap, I guess. But, he does not see the calling as a big problem, now, because they had their "talk". She is trying to get someone else to fix the computer for her, but if they can't, then she may need his help. So, he sees it as her trying to change. Really, he refused to go fix it, so what choice does she have. It is not any better that she is going to call 7 times in 3 day about it. If my mom's computer breaks, my dad looks at it and if can't fix it, then it goes to CompUSA. Geeeezzzz!!!
Enough with my rant. I feel uncomfortable now talking to him about his mom, because everytime they have a discussion, everything in his eyes is peachy afterwards. Then, he hides the nasty stuff she says about me, so I don't get mad at his mom. I hide the crap she says to me, so he does not get mad at me for talking about his mom. Then, about a month or so later, we spill the beans to each other, he gets mad, he confronts her, against my wishes, and it starts over. I don't think it does any good to confront her, because she is so good at manipulating and controlling, that he turns into a little kid accepting her apology and forgiving her.
Does anyone have a suggestion for how I can go about this? Or, how I can feel more at ease. I trust my fiance, but he thinks I don't, if I question her motives. He says, "I am telling you things will change. She realizes it, now. I won't let things continue, if she does not change." I have heard it before, and been hurt by giving her the benfit of the doubt. I know he can not control her actions and deceits. I trust that he believes it will stop and that he will stop her if it starts, but he can't see it. It is not his fault he can't see it. He is stuck in that inner child mode with her. I trust his motives, not hers. I think it will not stop, unless he tells her to stop calling him, period. She works something into every conversation, and unless he shares their conversation with me, he does not see anything wrong.
Have any of you experienced this with your spouses? How did you get through it?
WTB
Enough with my rant. I feel uncomfortable now talking to him about his mom, because everytime they have a discussion, everything in his eyes is peachy afterwards. Then, he hides the nasty stuff she says about me, so I don't get mad at his mom. I hide the crap she says to me, so he does not get mad at me for talking about his mom. Then, about a month or so later, we spill the beans to each other, he gets mad, he confronts her, against my wishes, and it starts over. I don't think it does any good to confront her, because she is so good at manipulating and controlling, that he turns into a little kid accepting her apology and forgiving her.
Does anyone have a suggestion for how I can go about this? Or, how I can feel more at ease. I trust my fiance, but he thinks I don't, if I question her motives. He says, "I am telling you things will change. She realizes it, now. I won't let things continue, if she does not change." I have heard it before, and been hurt by giving her the benfit of the doubt. I know he can not control her actions and deceits. I trust that he believes it will stop and that he will stop her if it starts, but he can't see it. It is not his fault he can't see it. He is stuck in that inner child mode with her. I trust his motives, not hers. I think it will not stop, unless he tells her to stop calling him, period. She works something into every conversation, and unless he shares their conversation with me, he does not see anything wrong.
Have any of you experienced this with your spouses? How did you get through it?
WTB