Post by wifetobe on Dec 31, 2003 11:42:13 GMT -8
Hi, everyone! I hope everyone had a pleasant holiday.
We went to the in-laws for Christmas. It was okay, I guess. Fiancee has been reading the Silently Seduced book, so he was noticing things all day. It started with her calling us to ask where we were, before we were even scheduled to be there. Then, she proceded to tell me what time my fiancee said we would be there. They were waiting for us for Christmas to start. First Christmas ever they were not together. Last Christmas before our wedding, blah, blah, blah. I only told him about the where were we part. I am picking my battles. I was so uncomfortable during the gift process. That has been on-going, though. Everything I bought my fiancee or said I was going to buy him, she bought him and told me to take it back. So, I did. This is another reason I need some help, b/c she is some how sucking me into this. She is starting to tell me what to do, make me feel guilty, tell me about her sex life, her marriage, her kids, and so on. Anyway, back to Christmas. She bought him sooooo much stuff. Way more than the other brothers and me. Fiancee was upset by the differences she made in gifts between me and him.
He is making progress, but it is hard for me, b/c he has mood swings when it comes to her. Some days he is disgusted with her, other days he thinks she is a saint. He is still convinced she was the only one there for him his whole life. It is hard for me. I know he has a lot to go through, so I am very patient. However, kids came up the other day, and that sparked an argument. When we have children, I don't want them alone with her for any amount of time. She did such innappropriate things to my fiancee, watched "adult" movies, talked about his genitals, etc. I just don't know how to handle this. I hope things will change with his opinions. Tomorrow will be a week since he has talked to his mom. This is amazing. She has only called him once, and he did not hear the phone ring. However, he says it is b/c his dad has been off work for the holidays. So, next week we will see what happens.
Well, thanks for letting me ramble. I am excited about this section of the website. I hope there are some more partners out there that are willing to share. I know it is scary, though. I am still scared my fiancee will find this site and be mad about what I wrote, b/c he made me swear to keep some of it private. However, he knows I am talking to a support group, and he thinks it is a good idea. He wants us to be okay, so he would not really get mad, I guess. It is just hard to judge what will trigger him running back to his mom. I am sure there are others who feel this way. Some days I feel like I have to be so careful about everything I say and do, b/c a war will break out. Other days, more lately since the book, are fine. He is very clear and perceptive in his thoughts of her. Anyway, I hope any of you partners out there will feel free to share. I know I would like to hear more from others.
Also, to the new member Green Tree Blue Sky, my fiancee's mom uses religion as a huge factor against his dad and everyone else. They are the ONLY TWO who are saved and will be saved. That is one of her biggest bonds over him. Good luck, though. Welcome aboard. I think we can all make each other feel a little better, even if only b/c this is a safe place to vent.
Peace and Joy to all of you!! Happy New Year!!
WTB
We went to the in-laws for Christmas. It was okay, I guess. Fiancee has been reading the Silently Seduced book, so he was noticing things all day. It started with her calling us to ask where we were, before we were even scheduled to be there. Then, she proceded to tell me what time my fiancee said we would be there. They were waiting for us for Christmas to start. First Christmas ever they were not together. Last Christmas before our wedding, blah, blah, blah. I only told him about the where were we part. I am picking my battles. I was so uncomfortable during the gift process. That has been on-going, though. Everything I bought my fiancee or said I was going to buy him, she bought him and told me to take it back. So, I did. This is another reason I need some help, b/c she is some how sucking me into this. She is starting to tell me what to do, make me feel guilty, tell me about her sex life, her marriage, her kids, and so on. Anyway, back to Christmas. She bought him sooooo much stuff. Way more than the other brothers and me. Fiancee was upset by the differences she made in gifts between me and him.
He is making progress, but it is hard for me, b/c he has mood swings when it comes to her. Some days he is disgusted with her, other days he thinks she is a saint. He is still convinced she was the only one there for him his whole life. It is hard for me. I know he has a lot to go through, so I am very patient. However, kids came up the other day, and that sparked an argument. When we have children, I don't want them alone with her for any amount of time. She did such innappropriate things to my fiancee, watched "adult" movies, talked about his genitals, etc. I just don't know how to handle this. I hope things will change with his opinions. Tomorrow will be a week since he has talked to his mom. This is amazing. She has only called him once, and he did not hear the phone ring. However, he says it is b/c his dad has been off work for the holidays. So, next week we will see what happens.
Well, thanks for letting me ramble. I am excited about this section of the website. I hope there are some more partners out there that are willing to share. I know it is scary, though. I am still scared my fiancee will find this site and be mad about what I wrote, b/c he made me swear to keep some of it private. However, he knows I am talking to a support group, and he thinks it is a good idea. He wants us to be okay, so he would not really get mad, I guess. It is just hard to judge what will trigger him running back to his mom. I am sure there are others who feel this way. Some days I feel like I have to be so careful about everything I say and do, b/c a war will break out. Other days, more lately since the book, are fine. He is very clear and perceptive in his thoughts of her. Anyway, I hope any of you partners out there will feel free to share. I know I would like to hear more from others.
Also, to the new member Green Tree Blue Sky, my fiancee's mom uses religion as a huge factor against his dad and everyone else. They are the ONLY TWO who are saved and will be saved. That is one of her biggest bonds over him. Good luck, though. Welcome aboard. I think we can all make each other feel a little better, even if only b/c this is a safe place to vent.
Peace and Joy to all of you!! Happy New Year!!
WTB