Post by blackxacto on Jan 21, 2004 22:30:55 GMT -8
I am a male, the oldest of 5 kids: 35, 43, 45, 48, 53(me). I have learned I was cheated out of my older childhood. I was the surrogate husband/whipping Boy Hero.
I am married, 24 years, and have a 15 year old boy, and a 18 year old girl. I've been peeling my "onion" since I was 26, in and out of therapist's offices. At 40 I attended my first 12-Step meeting, Al-Anon. At 46 my first SA. Still receiving therapy. Today my therapist and I re-reviewed that I am an emotional incest survivor. That there is a real reason I have always felt different, crazy, compulsive, unsociable, pleaser, reactionary, angry, and sad/depressed in waves over my lifetime.
I pray I am ready to embrace my emotional incest today. I pray I am now ready to actually accept what it is doing to me today. Not just that it happened, but what behaviors I keep repeating, what programming I keep believing.
I have had a battery of psychology tests run recently, AGAIN, it has uncovered, AGAIN, that I am angry at all women including my wife. That I don't relate to most people. Nor do I trust most people. That my anger is reaching another peak, AGAIN.
I appreciate any advice, encouragement.
Is there a list of specific behaviors that I repeat because of being a victim of emotional incest by my mother?
Lust is my drug of choice, for the most part fantasy. I can honestly state I have never physically cheated on my wife. But the compulsive flirting, fantasizing, with female co-workers at times was getting out of hand, so I went to SA a few years back. Can anyone advise me how this compulsive flirting with females who supposedly I hate might be instigated by the Emotional Incest? Or am I just getting my drug of choice confused with a much larger issue of emotional incest. Or was it just a way to cope with constant emotional pain, confusing sex and unrequited nurturing. I am just baffled because I thought I really did enjoy being around and kidding with women and men. Call me confused by it all at this point.
jr
I am married, 24 years, and have a 15 year old boy, and a 18 year old girl. I've been peeling my "onion" since I was 26, in and out of therapist's offices. At 40 I attended my first 12-Step meeting, Al-Anon. At 46 my first SA. Still receiving therapy. Today my therapist and I re-reviewed that I am an emotional incest survivor. That there is a real reason I have always felt different, crazy, compulsive, unsociable, pleaser, reactionary, angry, and sad/depressed in waves over my lifetime.
I pray I am ready to embrace my emotional incest today. I pray I am now ready to actually accept what it is doing to me today. Not just that it happened, but what behaviors I keep repeating, what programming I keep believing.
I have had a battery of psychology tests run recently, AGAIN, it has uncovered, AGAIN, that I am angry at all women including my wife. That I don't relate to most people. Nor do I trust most people. That my anger is reaching another peak, AGAIN.
I appreciate any advice, encouragement.
Is there a list of specific behaviors that I repeat because of being a victim of emotional incest by my mother?
Lust is my drug of choice, for the most part fantasy. I can honestly state I have never physically cheated on my wife. But the compulsive flirting, fantasizing, with female co-workers at times was getting out of hand, so I went to SA a few years back. Can anyone advise me how this compulsive flirting with females who supposedly I hate might be instigated by the Emotional Incest? Or am I just getting my drug of choice confused with a much larger issue of emotional incest. Or was it just a way to cope with constant emotional pain, confusing sex and unrequited nurturing. I am just baffled because I thought I really did enjoy being around and kidding with women and men. Call me confused by it all at this point.
jr