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Post by Ophelia Thorn on Jan 19, 2004 20:35:50 GMT -8
Hello, everyone-
I am feeling both nervous and relieved to have found this forum. All through my teenage years, I took the place of my mother, and acted as my father's partner...we were very close, and I still love him fiercely, so it has been difficult to face some of what has happened in the past. I feel awfult thinking that I am blaming this wonderful man for any of my depression, but, at the same time, I have not been able to get over some of it...He would take me out to bars, and whisper in my ear about how all the men there were jealous of his 'date', and I felt like the most special person ever. I miss being so close with him.
I am still working through a lot of this...but am glad to have heard, at least, that others have gone through this. I have felt badly feeling upset about this, as I was never actually abused or molested, so what's my problem? Still, my father's shadow looms large in my marriage, and I am fascinated by stories of incest, and cannot get my father out of my mind.
Thanks for listening,
Ophelia Thorn
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Post by Moriji on Jan 19, 2004 20:50:12 GMT -8
Welcome Ophelia! My mother was like that too. She would say, "If I was a young girl, I'd eat you alive." Anyway, I have now given you access to the survivor forums. Glad you found us.
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Post by GreenTreesBlueSky on Jan 20, 2004 19:03:19 GMT -8
Hi Ophelia,
Your brief bit of history sounds very familiar; I was the special one for my mother, and I thoroughly enjoyed the special place and status I thought I held in our family. It has been very hard to even see that I was abused because it did feel so good. I think that it is harder to get in touch with all of the implications and facts because it was never alarming at the time it happened. I'm 54, and I still have realizations about how my life has been limited, how I have been limited by what happened. Little of my abuse was overt incest, so I focused on what seemed like REAL abuse for a long time. All of that is to illustrate from my own experience that I identify with your introduction; it has been helpful for me to really dig into my history, reading a lot of books about the subject, family systems, other issues of recovery like alcoholism, sex addiction, over-spending, under-eating, isolation and alienation from people, yada yada yada. But it's all been worth it, and bits and pieces of life are accessible as it all clicks into place. Denying that I felt (sad, angry, scared, etc) always kept other emotions unaccessible, but when I would finally admit that I did feel (sad, angry, scared, etc), I would regain the ability to feel other emotions like happiness. I always feared I would fall apart or explode if I really felt my real feelings, but finally admiting I felt a certain emotion usually gave me much more than I lost. Plus, the sense of awareness and the ring of truth was so profound that large chunks of life just made absolute sense in ways I never imagined! It was wonderful. And much of it has been horrible, and much longer than I ever wanted it to be. But it has gotten better, and I am happier, and healthier than ever. In Alcoholics Anonymous they say there are 3 times you should go to a meeting: When you want to go to a meeting for support; when you don't want to go to a meeting for any reason; when it's time for the next meeting. I'm glad you're here and I hope you keep coming back. GreenTreesBlueSky
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Post by littlemama on Mar 12, 2004 13:46:44 GMT -8
Hi Ophelia,
I just posted my intro... I may have developed in a different direction... sort of .. but I am new to this understanding too. I don't quite know what to do next. But perhaps we will meet on the forum.
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