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Post by Drae on Jan 16, 2004 8:03:01 GMT -8
Hi
I am currently in therapy for ACOA and have been told of overt incest in my family by a family member who believed it would help me in my recovery. Since then I have put some past memories together now that the impossible has suddenly become possible if you know what I mean? I am pretty scared of remembering, but I am also afraid I will spend my life being unhappy and on edge if I do not do something. I feel like I am crazy a lot!!! I feel like I am over reacting a lot!!! Is this common? i would guess it is. I would like to see if this forum can help me with some of these memories or even to uncover some deeply hidden truths. My mother laughs about how I have always been deathly afraid of men...I dont think that is so funny anymore. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I am always open to being helpful with others if the need is made known to me.
Thank you for listening...Drae
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Post by wifetobe on Jan 16, 2004 8:12:02 GMT -8
Welcome to the group! I hope this site can help you out. We are here for you, if you need us. This is a great place to vent, safely. WTB
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Post by Moriji on Jan 16, 2004 8:55:24 GMT -8
Drae, welcome! Feeling "crazy" is common for incest survivors. Reading your introductory post reminded me of Pia Mellody's Facing Codependence. I will quote a section from it; see if you can relate to it: In certain men and women normal human feelings such as shame, fear, pain, and anger are so magnified that these people are almost always in an emotional state marked by anxiety and feelings of being irrational, dysfunctional, and/or "crazy." Such people also think they should be able to make those around them happy, and when they can't, they feel as if they are somehow "less than" others. There people often find themselves overreacting to everday happenings, experiencing feelings far more excessive than appropriate for a given situation. For example, when something frightening happens, instead of normal fear, they experience panic or anxiety attacks. There attacks can also occur for "no reason." When some of life's normal pain comes their way, their experince may be deep depair, hopelessness, or perhaps suicidal thoughts or behavior. And when a situation arises that would ordinarily provoke some genuine appropriate anger, such people sometimes explode into volcanic rage. And during these extreme emotional experiences, they often think, "Why does he treat me this way? Doesn't he know how painful it is to me?" But they cannot control the emotional outbursts and are baffled. There intense emotional reactions often occur over life's less dramatic experiences, such as a disagreement with one's spouse over which movie to see or whether to go on vacation. Despair or rage can be triggered by the disappointment of interviewing for a job and not being hired, the sadness of a good friend's moving to another town, or the anger of the neighbor's dog messing up the flower bed. Any of these experiences can evoke emotional reactions that are far from moderate--they can range frlom intense explosive feelings to bland sweetness and lack of any emotional expression at all. But both of these seemingly uncontrollable reactions sabotage the lives and relationships of such people.
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Post by wifetobe on Jan 16, 2004 9:10:44 GMT -8
No kidding! I have horrible outbreaks of rage, at little things. I feel out of control, sometimes. Why do I get so mad at such simple little things? I over analyze and over-react. I feel ya!
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Post by Drae on Jan 18, 2004 5:36:33 GMT -8
Yes I feel that way often, except my responses are typically the dull bland sweetness all the way to no emotional response at all. I do have occassional fits of rage that are irrational, but they bothered me so much I decided to see a counselor about it. I started doing yoga and meditation along with rigorous physical exercise, journaling, gratitude journals too! Gosh you know I think I have tried everything every self help book as suggested Sometimes something odd and obscure will send me into a screaming frenzy where it takes every ounce of strength I have to stop myself. I have had the police called on one occassion because my neighbors thought something horrible was happening. I think I always suspected some of my irritational behavior had to do with my childhood demise (as it were) but not to this extent. Thank you for the quote...it makes me sad, but knowing why we do what we do is the first step to recovery. Andrea
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Post by GreenTreesBlueSky on Jan 20, 2004 19:15:11 GMT -8
Hi Drae,
Welcome to the group. It sounds like you've really gotten involved in finding out what the truth for you really is. All any of us can do here is share our experience, strength and hope, but that is powerful stuff. Talking about our personal histories takes us out of isolation, and denial and into truth, or sometimes toward the truth as we remember and make sense of it all. And it's easier for us to see ourselves in others' stories sometimes, because we don't have to defend the story if it's someone else's. Keep in mind that each of us is imperfect, with our individual blind spots and hot spots. I may not make sense all of the time, and sometimes make be totally off track, but telling other people really helps. So if I do or say something off the wall sometime, just take what you like from what I've said, and leave the rest. And keep coming back, because you are important, and recovery work does work if you work at it. GreenTreesBlueSky
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Post by Drae on Jan 22, 2004 10:23:09 GMT -8
Hi Green Trees Blue Sky, It sounds like you have worked a little of the program yourself.
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