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Post by anam13 on Dec 6, 2003 19:35:37 GMT -8
I am an incest survivor. I need people in my life that I can talk to. Because of deep seated anger and a tremendous fear of rejection, it is hard for me to make friends. I desperatley need friends. This might be the place for me to begin my journey. I am blunt, honest, and fair. I need help. TEXT
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Post by wildlavender on Dec 11, 2003 2:17:19 GMT -8
HI! Glad you found this site. I hope it helps. Write in the forum or on the message board when you feel comfortable to share your story and get some of that pain out. It was a leap of faith for me and scary too, because I had not wrote much of it out ever before....and there is surely more for me to share in time. But the relief and comfort I felt was worth it! Here were friends I found that were non-judgemental and supportive. It felt good, and helped me get in touch w/my angry feelings as well. I had a sounding board and that made a big difference. Getting some of the secrets of my family out was a breakthrough for me....to see it in writing took some of the power of the past incidences away--it was diminished some. Talking to others who have gone through similiar abuse helps me feel like my past was real and is not so unbelievable. Validation is GREAT! If you feel like just reading posts for awhile or talking generally at first that is O.K. Do you see a therapist? Writing on covert or overt incest heped me get in touch with my anger concerning my parents and I began to remember some things I had forgotten. I had some flashbacks and flooding -(that is when too much is coming up for me to handle w/out a therapist to talk to and the needed space and perspective)-not good! and I was going through a medication change and Wham! I had a relapse of depression. I am doing much better now, but I have learned for myself not to go too fast with the digging up of the incest stuff. I am going to go slower and be much more in control of the process. Because I felt I was on a run-away train !! I have learned the importance of taking my emotional health more seriously, not to miniimize the pain I went through, and to take better care of myself physically too. And realized I need to take this at a pace I can handle. I heard somewhere that when you cannot afford therapy at the time, that exercise and eating well helps greatlly. You can gain more self-respect and feel more in control of your life. Because sometimes all the trauma feelings we have can make you feel very out-of-control. So, share but only when YOU want to and only what you want to, and at the speed you want to. We are here for you, but I would suggest a Dr. or psychologist in your life 'cause this discovering of incest is volitle stuff and you need all the support and validatiion you can get. Most of all, please don't isolate yourself. I know you said you have no friends at the current time, but try and find a trusting soul in your life as you go through your "re-living of your pain". At one point in my life, my only trusting soul was my therapist (a psychologist), because I had so much shame ......(shame I believed at the time was mine, but know now that it certainly isn't)... and overwhelming emotions. There were not too many people I would allow to know because of trust issues. And now I am still very selective w/who I talk with, and that is smart and reasonable! I have been through too much with others who deny my trauma or ridicule or push me to hurry up and "get well" according to their standards. So, I am glad for this site with its' guidelines and support. And we have a good and protective moniter, Moriji. ( unlike some other sites I have been on). This forum is private and for members' eyes only. Some member will usually try and give you a speedy response, because being HEARD is very important , since we have had so little if any of that kind of attention when we were growing up. Do you agree? Well, welcome and don't be a stranger...O.K? Keep in touch. Blessings to you, and glad you are on your very important healing journey! Remember....YOU are special. YOU are loved. fellow-survivor of abuse, wildlavender
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Post by dotkom on Dec 11, 2003 12:34:04 GMT -8
Welcome, Anam!
What an important step you've taken! Just to say you need help is huge. Good for you! Abuse, whether overt or covert is painful. We can all relate, truly! I think wildlavender words are wonderful & wise. I've founding writing to be a very powerful tool for releasing some of the intense anger I feel. It's amazing how you feel when you read your own words back to yourself. So take advantage of this cite. It affords us a venting area but with the anonymity we may still desire. Best of all, we learn that others feel the same way we do & that we are perfectly normal people who've just grown up in abnormal circumstances. I look forward to reading more from you.
In the same boat, ~Dot
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Post by Moriji on Dec 14, 2003 0:31:50 GMT -8
Wildlavender brought up some very good points. Validation is the key to recovery. Growing up with covert incest, we had our needs invalidated constantly. It'll make a world of difference if you can talk to someone about your problems without being told that your experiences and feelings were wrong. You are allowed to feel whatever you want--you own them, no one else. Shame is often used in abusive relationships; it's a form of control. But I've found it to be one of the most destructive ways to control someone. It limits you from doing things because of the fear (both real and imagined) of what others will think of you. Not to mention, it hurts! And we have a good and protective moniter, Moriji. ( unlike some other sites I have been on). Really? Thanks! You mean they let people get away with harrassing others on some survivor sites?
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