Post by aname on Oct 6, 2020 10:55:55 GMT -8
Hi, I'm aname. I have replied to a few posts here, but now I feel a little better able to talk about my stuff.
I'm in my mid-late 20s. I'm unsure if I was the victim of overt or covert incest, although I have known myself to be the victim of other abuse before I was aware of covert abuse. If I am the victim of either, it would be at the hands of my father I believe. And if I am the victim of covert abuse only, then I suspect both of my sisters are too.
My parents got divorced and the custody was contentious. She didn't feel able to protect us from what she knew to be my father's emotional abuse, but she didn't believe him to be physically abusive to us (he did regularly beat her when they were married), or sexually abusive at all, to my knowledge.
My mom is the survivor of overt incest over a very long period of time, which I discovered after she tried to kill herself and I began to show signs of ptsd basically.
Later, it came out that my father had overtly (sexually) abused another family member and he went to prison for it. At the time this came out I had a very specific rationale for why I believed very strongly that I had not also been victimized by him, but in the years following some of those premises unraveled themselves and now I do not know.
I have not really discussed the idea of covert incest with therapists before. I have had therapy at various times and I got exhausted and sick of sitting for an hour each week feeling awful and not feeling like anything changed other than this awful draining hour upsetting me each week. I do remember that one therapist brought up the idea of vicarious or secondary trauma to explain my ptsd symptoms following my mother's suicide attempt, and they may have also mentioned the words covert incest and I may have "forgotten" it. Sometimes it feels like I redredge and rediscover awful things from my past and understandings that I then lose, and I know I have seen other people do the same. I may try to seek out a support group for survivors of covert incest. I feel like the shared vulnerability would allow me to feel less horrible than the individual therapeutic relationship which makes me feel like I am a bug being pinned and examined with a microscope.
If I am the victim of covert incest, I don't follow the pattern that many people here seem to. I was a very young adult when my father was arrested and I was free of his influence, and I did not have as much contact with him as many people here describe with their abusers. But there are things which I remember and the "icky" feelings that articles about covert abuse describe are exactly how I feel. And I could be possibly blocking out memories of overt abuse, which is something I fear possibly the most. I suppose that is also tied up in my fear of him finding me and murdering me when he gets out of prison.
I hope anyone reading this is doing their best to take care of themselves. I'd appreciate responses from anyone who would like to respond, whether you feel like you "know enough" or not, about any part of this but especially if anyone can share any experiences they have had in seeking/receiving individual or group therapy about covert/overt incest.
I'm in my mid-late 20s. I'm unsure if I was the victim of overt or covert incest, although I have known myself to be the victim of other abuse before I was aware of covert abuse. If I am the victim of either, it would be at the hands of my father I believe. And if I am the victim of covert abuse only, then I suspect both of my sisters are too.
My parents got divorced and the custody was contentious. She didn't feel able to protect us from what she knew to be my father's emotional abuse, but she didn't believe him to be physically abusive to us (he did regularly beat her when they were married), or sexually abusive at all, to my knowledge.
My mom is the survivor of overt incest over a very long period of time, which I discovered after she tried to kill herself and I began to show signs of ptsd basically.
Later, it came out that my father had overtly (sexually) abused another family member and he went to prison for it. At the time this came out I had a very specific rationale for why I believed very strongly that I had not also been victimized by him, but in the years following some of those premises unraveled themselves and now I do not know.
I have not really discussed the idea of covert incest with therapists before. I have had therapy at various times and I got exhausted and sick of sitting for an hour each week feeling awful and not feeling like anything changed other than this awful draining hour upsetting me each week. I do remember that one therapist brought up the idea of vicarious or secondary trauma to explain my ptsd symptoms following my mother's suicide attempt, and they may have also mentioned the words covert incest and I may have "forgotten" it. Sometimes it feels like I redredge and rediscover awful things from my past and understandings that I then lose, and I know I have seen other people do the same. I may try to seek out a support group for survivors of covert incest. I feel like the shared vulnerability would allow me to feel less horrible than the individual therapeutic relationship which makes me feel like I am a bug being pinned and examined with a microscope.
If I am the victim of covert incest, I don't follow the pattern that many people here seem to. I was a very young adult when my father was arrested and I was free of his influence, and I did not have as much contact with him as many people here describe with their abusers. But there are things which I remember and the "icky" feelings that articles about covert abuse describe are exactly how I feel. And I could be possibly blocking out memories of overt abuse, which is something I fear possibly the most. I suppose that is also tied up in my fear of him finding me and murdering me when he gets out of prison.
I hope anyone reading this is doing their best to take care of themselves. I'd appreciate responses from anyone who would like to respond, whether you feel like you "know enough" or not, about any part of this but especially if anyone can share any experiences they have had in seeking/receiving individual or group therapy about covert/overt incest.