Post by lauren on Feb 13, 2019 12:46:14 GMT -8
Hey all,
I am currently in therapy, coping with trauma from my dad who did something horrible when I was 11 (I'm still having a hard time saying it out loud and writing it). It wasn't until I came across covert incest literally today, that I realized that it was also a huge part of childhood. Most of the signs fit perfectly for what my dad was like.
He never emotionaly confided in me.he never wanted to talk. I never felt like I had to "take care" of him. His behavior was more covert in that sense. And it's funny, what happened to me physically should affect me more in terms of trauma,but it has been the covert incest that has affected me deeply. I was lucky too,because since my parents divorced, I only had to be there twice a week. But What he did when I was there, was he'd watch porn when I was in the house , and not in his room, in the living room. He never tried to hide it. He'd never knock before coming in my room. And he always seemed to know when I was changing. When I got older it got to the point where I'd try to lock the door and also for good measure hide beside my bed and dress as quickly as possible so I'd be dressed when inevitably he'd come in.
I often showered either the night before school or the morning. He never knocked, or if he did he'd just come in anyway. I'd always tell him not to come in when I was showering but he just laughed it off and didn't care that it made me insanely uncomfortable. I began to feel major anxiety being in the house with him. He'd also call me into the bathroom to ask me questions when he was showering.
And I thought this was all normal. I thought all preteen/ teenage girls had this problem with their dads.
It wasn't until recently (I'm 28 now) that it dawned on me it's not normal. I had a stepdad growing up and he never ever once exhibited that behavior. He never walked in on me showering or did/said innapropriate things.
I'm devastated at this realization,and also thankful I got to write this down even if no one ever reads it.
I am currently in therapy, coping with trauma from my dad who did something horrible when I was 11 (I'm still having a hard time saying it out loud and writing it). It wasn't until I came across covert incest literally today, that I realized that it was also a huge part of childhood. Most of the signs fit perfectly for what my dad was like.
He never emotionaly confided in me.he never wanted to talk. I never felt like I had to "take care" of him. His behavior was more covert in that sense. And it's funny, what happened to me physically should affect me more in terms of trauma,but it has been the covert incest that has affected me deeply. I was lucky too,because since my parents divorced, I only had to be there twice a week. But What he did when I was there, was he'd watch porn when I was in the house , and not in his room, in the living room. He never tried to hide it. He'd never knock before coming in my room. And he always seemed to know when I was changing. When I got older it got to the point where I'd try to lock the door and also for good measure hide beside my bed and dress as quickly as possible so I'd be dressed when inevitably he'd come in.
I often showered either the night before school or the morning. He never knocked, or if he did he'd just come in anyway. I'd always tell him not to come in when I was showering but he just laughed it off and didn't care that it made me insanely uncomfortable. I began to feel major anxiety being in the house with him. He'd also call me into the bathroom to ask me questions when he was showering.
And I thought this was all normal. I thought all preteen/ teenage girls had this problem with their dads.
It wasn't until recently (I'm 28 now) that it dawned on me it's not normal. I had a stepdad growing up and he never ever once exhibited that behavior. He never walked in on me showering or did/said innapropriate things.
I'm devastated at this realization,and also thankful I got to write this down even if no one ever reads it.
