Post by mark199026 on Dec 26, 2016 15:14:16 GMT -8
Hello everyone, I'm a 21 year old guy who has been suffering for quite a lot of years.
Ever since I was around 12, I drastically changed my behaviour around my family. I stopped being the spontaneous funny child everyone loved and started being cold and quiet around my family, specially my mother. Having read a lot about covert incest, it's bound to be what's underneath all that (being my mom the kind of invasive and excessive loving one). Ever since I 'changed' I've been feeling terrible 'ickiness' and 'uncomfortableness' around my parents and sister, almost not being able to look them in the eye, always fleeing from the table to my bedroom (my 'safe' place), like I don't want to be around them. 3 years ago I started having severe anxiety and depression and pinpointed this unhealthy relationship my family as the cause of it.
I'm quite determined to think my unhealthy relationship with my parents is due to covert incest by my mother, but as far as I've read, I haven't bumped into anybody feeling this extreme 'ickiness' (as an adult) at times when talking with or just being around my mom. From what I've read, I think you're supposed to 'idolize' that parent and find it difficult to believe they were the cause of something bad happening to you or to hate them.
My theory is I must have realized my relationship with my mom wasn't healthy (reading with her in bed, being her little boy...) and decided (around 12) to build a big wall between me and the family, but I'm not sure.
Can anybody relate to these feelings as adults? I would appreciate all the input on the matter, I'm trying to figure out who I am and why I'm suffering so much.
Thank you very much in advance.
Ever since I was around 12, I drastically changed my behaviour around my family. I stopped being the spontaneous funny child everyone loved and started being cold and quiet around my family, specially my mother. Having read a lot about covert incest, it's bound to be what's underneath all that (being my mom the kind of invasive and excessive loving one). Ever since I 'changed' I've been feeling terrible 'ickiness' and 'uncomfortableness' around my parents and sister, almost not being able to look them in the eye, always fleeing from the table to my bedroom (my 'safe' place), like I don't want to be around them. 3 years ago I started having severe anxiety and depression and pinpointed this unhealthy relationship my family as the cause of it.
I'm quite determined to think my unhealthy relationship with my parents is due to covert incest by my mother, but as far as I've read, I haven't bumped into anybody feeling this extreme 'ickiness' (as an adult) at times when talking with or just being around my mom. From what I've read, I think you're supposed to 'idolize' that parent and find it difficult to believe they were the cause of something bad happening to you or to hate them.
My theory is I must have realized my relationship with my mom wasn't healthy (reading with her in bed, being her little boy...) and decided (around 12) to build a big wall between me and the family, but I'm not sure.
Can anybody relate to these feelings as adults? I would appreciate all the input on the matter, I'm trying to figure out who I am and why I'm suffering so much.
Thank you very much in advance.
