Post by sealion on Sept 18, 2016 17:27:11 GMT -8
dad was cold, distant, abusive
mom "warm and loving" but needy and manipulative, always turned to me to vent to in her most difficult life moments, when my brothers were old enough, they replaced me (they were more warm and affectionate than me, i'm a pretty quiet reserved person, though part of that is because i have been abused by both parents in different ways) they each in succession became her golden child. she is constantly "helping" and self sacrifical but it is to the point of detriment and if you don't give her the feedback she wants she throws tantrums and acts like a martyr and gossips and blah blah blah.
i've been trying to create space from her but it is always a battle that takes months or years for her to back off on one thing (something stupid like letting me do my own laundry, which she still tries to get involved in and micro manage no matter how much). so i started avoiding her totally because she will start harrassing me and try to get involved in whatever i'm doing and "help" and i'm recovering from too much and i can't handle the fights that are inevitable if i try to assert any kind of boundaries, it drains me. she doesn't listen to anything i have to say, when i try to explain how i feel and why she interrupts me and tells me that i don't listen to her. she is unable to articulate my feelings about anything even though i can explain her point of view pretty easily, so i should maybe be listened to a little bit right? especially if her behavior is so upsetting? but no, i just wont' listen to how good and perfect her intentions are, and my reactions are so ridiculous!
well as i am not afraid to confront her anymore when she is creeping or outright flying over my boundaries she has turned my brothers against me, they see me as some evil person because i've been avoiding her! i literally don't talk to her and now i am an evil person. i got angry at her this morning because she is usually creeping around trying to watch whatever i'm doing or listen to my phone calls (i've caught her millions of times) and she responds by yelling, my brother runs out and gets in "defend mommy from the bad dad figure (his perception, influenced by her)" and we end up in a fist fight after he says some really horrible and cruel and messed up things to me.
so now i'm leaving. she drives me insane by constantly running roughshod over my boundaries and then whining like a martyr whenever i have any reaction other than smiling and treating her like she's "super mom". and she turned my brothers against me. i tried to call everything out for what it is and that made them angrier, they don't want anything to do with the truth. dad is gone and now, since i'm quiet and reserved and have grown more and more distant from my mom because she won't take how i feel seriously or apologize seriously for anything she has done to hurt me, now i am "just like dad" (even though i know that i'm not anything like him!!!!), and part of this is they need me to fill this role for their reality to make sense, and part of it is just to hurt me, to be cruel, to make me feel pain. it works!
i'm leaving in the morning. this is the second time i am leaving, and it will be the last. the last time i left it was a really similar situation, with the same brother saying cruel things to me, so cruel that even the next day i couldn't hear them in my memory. he took everything i've ever been vulnerable about and twisted it like a knife into me. he just did the same thing today, so i learned never to trust people like that, don't give them second chances, even if they are family. pack up and move on.
hi nice to meet you all
mom "warm and loving" but needy and manipulative, always turned to me to vent to in her most difficult life moments, when my brothers were old enough, they replaced me (they were more warm and affectionate than me, i'm a pretty quiet reserved person, though part of that is because i have been abused by both parents in different ways) they each in succession became her golden child. she is constantly "helping" and self sacrifical but it is to the point of detriment and if you don't give her the feedback she wants she throws tantrums and acts like a martyr and gossips and blah blah blah.
i've been trying to create space from her but it is always a battle that takes months or years for her to back off on one thing (something stupid like letting me do my own laundry, which she still tries to get involved in and micro manage no matter how much). so i started avoiding her totally because she will start harrassing me and try to get involved in whatever i'm doing and "help" and i'm recovering from too much and i can't handle the fights that are inevitable if i try to assert any kind of boundaries, it drains me. she doesn't listen to anything i have to say, when i try to explain how i feel and why she interrupts me and tells me that i don't listen to her. she is unable to articulate my feelings about anything even though i can explain her point of view pretty easily, so i should maybe be listened to a little bit right? especially if her behavior is so upsetting? but no, i just wont' listen to how good and perfect her intentions are, and my reactions are so ridiculous!
well as i am not afraid to confront her anymore when she is creeping or outright flying over my boundaries she has turned my brothers against me, they see me as some evil person because i've been avoiding her! i literally don't talk to her and now i am an evil person. i got angry at her this morning because she is usually creeping around trying to watch whatever i'm doing or listen to my phone calls (i've caught her millions of times) and she responds by yelling, my brother runs out and gets in "defend mommy from the bad dad figure (his perception, influenced by her)" and we end up in a fist fight after he says some really horrible and cruel and messed up things to me.
so now i'm leaving. she drives me insane by constantly running roughshod over my boundaries and then whining like a martyr whenever i have any reaction other than smiling and treating her like she's "super mom". and she turned my brothers against me. i tried to call everything out for what it is and that made them angrier, they don't want anything to do with the truth. dad is gone and now, since i'm quiet and reserved and have grown more and more distant from my mom because she won't take how i feel seriously or apologize seriously for anything she has done to hurt me, now i am "just like dad" (even though i know that i'm not anything like him!!!!), and part of this is they need me to fill this role for their reality to make sense, and part of it is just to hurt me, to be cruel, to make me feel pain. it works!
i'm leaving in the morning. this is the second time i am leaving, and it will be the last. the last time i left it was a really similar situation, with the same brother saying cruel things to me, so cruel that even the next day i couldn't hear them in my memory. he took everything i've ever been vulnerable about and twisted it like a knife into me. he just did the same thing today, so i learned never to trust people like that, don't give them second chances, even if they are family. pack up and move on.
hi nice to meet you all