Post by januaryb on Aug 13, 2016 21:29:50 GMT -8
Hello. God is doing strange things in my life right now. Things I didn't see coming. I have been seeking answers to things for a long time. I usually focus on my difficult relationship with my mother. I have known in the back of my mind things are not right with my father. But didn't understand it, or didn't want to look at it. I don't know.
At any rate, this all began when a friend of mine who does Reiki hosted a Healing Circle and asked if I wanted to come. I came only out of curiosity not knowing what Reiki is. She did a 20 min energy session on me. Said she felt a big weight on me like I needed to cry. I felt extremely sleepy after the session and for the next full day. A week later I went to my first ever chiropractic appointment. The practitioner is talking to me about my health history. I mention that I am always tired like I need a nap. I have always been this way. She says to me "I feel like this fatigue is more an emotional than a physical cause. You seem to have a big weight around you. You have your guard up. Like you need to cry." No joke she said the same dang thing and I couldn't believe it. I was smiling as I was talking. Thought I was in a good mood. She starts her exam, starts asking me about trauma down my maternal line...I start talking a bit then BAM huge waterworks. Gulping uncontrollable sobs. WTF?
Fish don't know the waters in which they swim. I have been swimming in some sort of water for so long that I can't even sense it. But for whatever reason God is bringing me to this place to begin to see this water that I have been swimming in all my life and to try to understand it and hopefully (prayerfully) heal it.
I was telling my neighbor about these strange experiences a few days later. She said to me, "It sounds like you need to mourn the loss of your childhood. You went from one parenting extreme to another." I stopped. What was that?
And in my heart I knew she was right. That there is something I never could step back and see because I've been so enmeshed all of my life.
Back and forth from the age of 6. One week with mom who was neglectful, mean, filthy house, animal feces, explosive personality. Then to dad's house where dad was super nice, nurturing, but I became his emotional spouse from an early age. He was an alcoholic. There was a lot of porn in the house. But he was kind and always talked to me about his day and I was the listening ear while he told me all of his work problems and on and on. All of this has carried on into adulthood. I am still enmeshed with my dad, and still have a "walking on eggshells" relationship with my mother.
Just yesterday I learned the term emotional incest. I am here to learn how this has impacted my life, and how to step into healthier relationships with my parents. By God's grace I have a wonderful husband. But I know that understanding my past will help me to grow and have a better marriage. I struggle most with friendship. I struggle to be close to most people. My husband is the exception.
Thank you for your time.
At any rate, this all began when a friend of mine who does Reiki hosted a Healing Circle and asked if I wanted to come. I came only out of curiosity not knowing what Reiki is. She did a 20 min energy session on me. Said she felt a big weight on me like I needed to cry. I felt extremely sleepy after the session and for the next full day. A week later I went to my first ever chiropractic appointment. The practitioner is talking to me about my health history. I mention that I am always tired like I need a nap. I have always been this way. She says to me "I feel like this fatigue is more an emotional than a physical cause. You seem to have a big weight around you. You have your guard up. Like you need to cry." No joke she said the same dang thing and I couldn't believe it. I was smiling as I was talking. Thought I was in a good mood. She starts her exam, starts asking me about trauma down my maternal line...I start talking a bit then BAM huge waterworks. Gulping uncontrollable sobs. WTF?
Fish don't know the waters in which they swim. I have been swimming in some sort of water for so long that I can't even sense it. But for whatever reason God is bringing me to this place to begin to see this water that I have been swimming in all my life and to try to understand it and hopefully (prayerfully) heal it.
I was telling my neighbor about these strange experiences a few days later. She said to me, "It sounds like you need to mourn the loss of your childhood. You went from one parenting extreme to another." I stopped. What was that?
And in my heart I knew she was right. That there is something I never could step back and see because I've been so enmeshed all of my life.
Back and forth from the age of 6. One week with mom who was neglectful, mean, filthy house, animal feces, explosive personality. Then to dad's house where dad was super nice, nurturing, but I became his emotional spouse from an early age. He was an alcoholic. There was a lot of porn in the house. But he was kind and always talked to me about his day and I was the listening ear while he told me all of his work problems and on and on. All of this has carried on into adulthood. I am still enmeshed with my dad, and still have a "walking on eggshells" relationship with my mother.
Just yesterday I learned the term emotional incest. I am here to learn how this has impacted my life, and how to step into healthier relationships with my parents. By God's grace I have a wonderful husband. But I know that understanding my past will help me to grow and have a better marriage. I struggle most with friendship. I struggle to be close to most people. My husband is the exception.
Thank you for your time.