Post by miguel on Jun 20, 2016 21:13:52 GMT -8
I hope I can tell my story good enough. English isn't my native language, but I have studied it extensively.
I recently read the "Silently seduced" book and suddenly my life made painful sense. I spent most time with my mom through my childhood and growing up as a teenager. She was an overbearing mother and although I knew something was wrong, I never knew what. I was always looking and comparing other families to mine, to see if the situations I was living were normal. I rarely found them anywhere.
My dad was hardly in the house, he worked all day. When I was like 12, my mom warned me about having a girlfriend. She forbid me from having one, and in her mind I think never has lifted the ban, and I'm 33 right now.
She used to criticize my dad to me a lot. Still tries it, but with the tools I have know, I can cut her short. I don't want to hear that, that's between them.
Well, I have had many girlfriends, all short relationships that I began with a lot of enthusiasm and got bored pretty soon. Always wanting to keep my parters apart, never wanting real intimacy, and I always ended the relationships first. And also the promiscuity.
I always thought that I was wrong and blamed myself for a lot of feelings I've had in my life. At some point, as a teenager, I felt attracted to my sister. But the book even said that's common for covert incest victims and some of the guilt was relieved. Of course I know that the people around me are not to blame for my feelings and behavior, so I've tried to change too.
I'm still struggling every day with this. Specially in my current relationship, that we've managed to continue after four years. By far my longest romantic commitment, and I'm very happy about that. But still, I have a lot of work to do, many things to understand, and lots to forgive. I can't help but be mad at my parents for the hell that was created at home. My dad was emotionally unavailable, my mom was abusive and overbearing... It's still hell coming back.
I don't know, I haven't really scratched the surface. I hope to know more people that can relate with this problem. I've found very helpful speaking about it with people that understand.
I recently read the "Silently seduced" book and suddenly my life made painful sense. I spent most time with my mom through my childhood and growing up as a teenager. She was an overbearing mother and although I knew something was wrong, I never knew what. I was always looking and comparing other families to mine, to see if the situations I was living were normal. I rarely found them anywhere.
My dad was hardly in the house, he worked all day. When I was like 12, my mom warned me about having a girlfriend. She forbid me from having one, and in her mind I think never has lifted the ban, and I'm 33 right now.
She used to criticize my dad to me a lot. Still tries it, but with the tools I have know, I can cut her short. I don't want to hear that, that's between them.
Well, I have had many girlfriends, all short relationships that I began with a lot of enthusiasm and got bored pretty soon. Always wanting to keep my parters apart, never wanting real intimacy, and I always ended the relationships first. And also the promiscuity.
I always thought that I was wrong and blamed myself for a lot of feelings I've had in my life. At some point, as a teenager, I felt attracted to my sister. But the book even said that's common for covert incest victims and some of the guilt was relieved. Of course I know that the people around me are not to blame for my feelings and behavior, so I've tried to change too.
I'm still struggling every day with this. Specially in my current relationship, that we've managed to continue after four years. By far my longest romantic commitment, and I'm very happy about that. But still, I have a lot of work to do, many things to understand, and lots to forgive. I can't help but be mad at my parents for the hell that was created at home. My dad was emotionally unavailable, my mom was abusive and overbearing... It's still hell coming back.
I don't know, I haven't really scratched the surface. I hope to know more people that can relate with this problem. I've found very helpful speaking about it with people that understand.