Post by 1witness on Sept 11, 2015 18:02:17 GMT -8
It's difficult to write about my experience and read about the experience of others. I still tend to hold feelings of anger or loneliness within and in actuality I still feel contempt dor people who complain about these things. Holding back makes me feel strong, complaining makes me feel vulnerable to criticism. While I am only starting to understand covert incest, I believe the most difficult aspect is the tendency to protect others' feelings at my own expense.
My belief is it doesn't matter how long ago the abuse happened or to what degree, we share a common sense of defeat and distrust in other and disgust or contempt of neediness and dependency.
While this may contradict the notion of covert incest as placing the child in a position of extreme visibility and dependency, the flipside is that me the real me felt completely invisible to both my parents. It was like I was only there when I was fulfilling some need for support or as an escort. Those are the only things I ever felt good about growing up.
I'm working with my therapist to build some better relationships with men and women and set my own boundaries with people. I'm at the point where I want to keep everybody out mostly which appears to be helping with specific elements of my self care. My apartment is a mess and I'm underemployed. I have cut my entire family both nuclear and extended out of my life.
The reason I sought psychotherapy was because of my family's tendency to tell me how negative I am all the time and what I needed to do to attract partners and friends. My unhappiness was too much for them to handle. Times have really changed, first they were bad so bad and they still are bad just not so bad which is why I'm reaching out here.
My belief is it doesn't matter how long ago the abuse happened or to what degree, we share a common sense of defeat and distrust in other and disgust or contempt of neediness and dependency.
While this may contradict the notion of covert incest as placing the child in a position of extreme visibility and dependency, the flipside is that me the real me felt completely invisible to both my parents. It was like I was only there when I was fulfilling some need for support or as an escort. Those are the only things I ever felt good about growing up.
I'm working with my therapist to build some better relationships with men and women and set my own boundaries with people. I'm at the point where I want to keep everybody out mostly which appears to be helping with specific elements of my self care. My apartment is a mess and I'm underemployed. I have cut my entire family both nuclear and extended out of my life.
The reason I sought psychotherapy was because of my family's tendency to tell me how negative I am all the time and what I needed to do to attract partners and friends. My unhappiness was too much for them to handle. Times have really changed, first they were bad so bad and they still are bad just not so bad which is why I'm reaching out here.
