Found this forum. I am home!

[tzadekes]

I am a 34 year old single professional woman living with my covertly incestuous mother. I have begun to think it is beyond covert incest, and it can be identified as incest. Incest is incest, just like covert abuse is abuse.

Right now I'm struggling with growing up and away. I feel like I am chained.

[naomi]

I, have mixed feelings about the "covert" label. On the one hand, it perfectly describes what is going on because some types of incest are more obvious or deceitful than others. But on the other hand, it makes some people feel like we are trying to label things as incest that aren't, as if we are overreacting or creating a problem!

You are right -- incest is incest, whether covert or overt. And actually, my own personal experience contains some of both (though I identify more with the covert label, which is why I'm here).

It can be very hard for some of us in this situation to "grow up"! You're not alone. Even though I moved out relatively young, I was very sheltered up until that point, and I'm married now so I technically never had the experience of truly living on my own. I have a brother who is twice my age and only lived on his own briefly, and quite unsuccessfully.

By recognizing there is a problem you have already made the most important first step and that is the beginning of moving away from the unhealthy stuff. Many people never even get to the step of admitting the problem. From this point, every tiny step forward is one step closer to independence and success, so don't put yourself down and just keep making whatever small steps you can forwards. As long as you are making more progress ahead than backwards, or sometimes just standing still and refusing to move backwards, you are winning.

[rend]

Hey, I know you posted this a while ago, but hope you can break free and be somewhere safe soon. what naomi says is right, you took the first step...