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Books
Aug 17, 2003 23:43:02 GMT -8
Post by Moriji on Aug 17, 2003 23:43:02 GMT -8
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Books
Sept 28, 2004 22:31:27 GMT -8
Post by Linus on Sept 28, 2004 22:31:27 GMT -8
I highly recommend the book: "Trapped in the Mirror" by Elan Golomb. www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688140718 I found it to be a very good book about narcassistic parents, what causes it, and what can be done. There are several others that I have read, and liked. I found this one to be particularly good.
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Books
Apr 19, 2005 9:16:39 GMT -8
Post by M on Apr 19, 2005 9:16:39 GMT -8
I've recently read Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage By: Susan Forward which I found very helpful. It was affirming to read other's experiences that were identical to mine (no I wasn't losing my mind or imagining things, it was really happening) and it also pointed me in the direction of the part I played.
The Emotional Incest Syndrome : What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life By: PATRICIA DR LOVE, JO ROBINSON (Contributor) - This has been the best by far of those I've read. Once again, it was affirming to read other's experiences and she shares a road to recovery.
Silently Seduced : When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest by Kenneth Adams - For some reason this wasn't as accessible to me. I would have to say this is more about the "what" than the "how" to deal with it.
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Books
Sept 27, 2006 18:05:32 GMT -8
Post by dare on Sept 27, 2006 18:05:32 GMT -8
Linus, thanks for the link to Trapped in the Mirror ... I read the summary and it sounds like just the book for me. I think both my parents suffered from narcissism, so I'm buying a copy right now!
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Jan 4, 2007 8:02:57 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Jan 4, 2007 8:02:57 GMT -8
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Books
Jan 14, 2007 10:07:26 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Jan 14, 2007 10:07:26 GMT -8
OUTGROWING THE PAIN:A book for and about adults abused as children, by Eliana Gil, Ph.D., 1983 www.amazon.com/Outgrowing-Pain-Adults-Abused-Children/dp/0440500060This book is not specifically about covert abuse - being written in '83, I don't think the term had even been coined yet back then. However since adult survivors of covert abuse have many of the same issues as survivors of overt abuse, this book is highly helpful. It's a short book - 87 pages as a trade paperback - I read it in one sitting. But don't let the small size fool you, it's FULL of good insight and tips. It's succinct and directly to the point, without any meandering anecdotes. As Sgt. Friday would say, "Just the facts, Ma'am". The blurb on the back cover describes it best: "Do you have trouble finding friends, lovers, acquaintances? Once you find them, Do they dump on you, take advantage of you, or leave ?Are you in a relationship you know isn't good for you ? Are you still trying to figure out what you want to do when you grow up ? Are you drinking too much, eating too much, or trying to numb your pain with drugs of any kind? These are just a few of the problems abused children experience when they become adults. You may not realize you were abused. You may think your parents didn't mean it, didn't know better, or that others had it much worse. You may not have even made the connection between the past and your current problems."And reviewer FruitLoop on Amazon says: "Thanks so much for the validation!The focus on child abuse is on children, and the adults who survived because it was often never detected have been overlooked for far too long. So many adults, like me, didn't realize until we were grown just how screwed up our childhoods were. As a child, you don't realize that this isn't normal, that all parents don't treat their children this way, and that it wasn't right because you think your parents always know what's best. Our pain is minimized or dismissed because "it's over now, you're grown up" or we're told "just don't dwell on it." A must read for adult survivors"But the book isn't just about identifying the problem. Heck, if you've read this far, you probably already know there was a problem with your childhood. The last two chapters of the book, "Taking Hold of Your Past" and "Say Goodbye to the Parents You Never had" are all about moving forward and not getting caught in the cycles of worrying about what was and longing for what wasn't. I give the book two thumbs up.
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Books
Jan 22, 2007 0:13:23 GMT -8
Post by convert on Jan 22, 2007 0:13:23 GMT -8
A brand new book about both covert and overt maternal/daughter abuse: "A Mother's Touch" by Julie Brand -- I think you can get on amazon.com. It's good.
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Books
Jan 22, 2007 19:06:58 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Jan 22, 2007 19:06:58 GMT -8
"A brand new book about both covert and overt maternal/daughter abuse: "A Mother's Touch" by Julie Brand -- I think you can get on amazon.com. It's good."
Amazon lists it but as of this message shows a 4-6 week lead time to get it. Where did you get yours ?
I may also ask the local library to get it.
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Books
Jan 25, 2007 8:25:26 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Jan 25, 2007 8:25:26 GMT -8
The Obsidian Mirror: Healing from Childhood Sexual AbuseBy Louise M Wisechild, paperback, 278 pages. Third edition 2002, originally written 1988. www.amazon.com/Obsidian-Mirror-Adult-Healing-Incest/dp/1878067397Dare I say it ? This book is almost too good. This is not a self-help book, although other survivors may get a few tips, this is really an account of one woman’s personal hell of sexual abuse in her childhood and teenage years and how she later confronted her abusers as an adult. As the write-up on the back cover of the book says, “Affirming and Inspiring, The Obsidian Mirror explores the vivid and personal journey of an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Drawing on the power of creativity, Wisechild listens to and learns from her inner voices – the critical judge, the rebel, the scared and the needy children of various ages – and uses evocative imagery to describe the emotional settings of her interior landscape. This is both a stirring testimony of one woman’s passage from fear and grief to rage and resolve and a moving portrayal of a spiritual reawakening and reclamation of self.”But therein lies the problem I had with the book. Ms. Wisechild ascribes a name to each of these “inner voices”, and much of the book involves dialogue between herself and these inner voices as if they were real persons. Undoubtedly this is what she went through, but it just doesn’t translate well to the written page. At least not for me. I found myself constantly confused as to whether conversations were “real” or with her inner voices. In some places, I found myself skimming over entire pages just to get back to “reality”. But perhaps that’s just me. I’m Sergeant Friday: Just the facts, Ma’am. Perhaps others can get more into this style of writing than I can. The first 200 or so pages very vividly describe the authors experiences and troubled life afterwards. Very vividly. This is why I say the book is almost too good. Again I found myself skimming over entire pages just to get past the “Ick” factor. Fellow survivors are likely to find some of the passages very troubling and triggering of bad memories. The next 30 pages describe the confrontation with her abuser, and the remainder of the book is her life afterwards. This book is probably not the right book for survivors, it will tell you very little about the topic that you don't already know and may bring back lots of bad memories. But if you're a partner of a survivor, or other interested party, and really want to "get inside the head" of a survivor to understand the inner turmoil they went through, then there is no better book on the topic... IF you can get past the writing style. Overall I give it one thumb up, for the content, and one thumb down for the writing style.
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Books
Feb 3, 2007 8:54:54 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Feb 3, 2007 8:54:54 GMT -8
Restoring Hope and Trust: An Illustrated Guide to Mastering Trauma by Lisa Lewis, Ph.D., Kay Kelly, MSW, LCSW, and Jon G. Allen, Ph.D. Paperback, 145 pages, 2004 www.amazon.com/Restoring-Hope-Trust-Illustrated-Mastering/dp/1886968152Although not specifically about covert or overt incest or sexual abuse, this book fills an important gap in the body of knowledge on the subject. Other books define and describe the covert phenomenon and mention the trauma that occurs but stop short of telling what to actually do about the trauma or post-traumatic stress. This book fills that gap. It's really more of a 'workbook' than a book. At 145 pages, you could read it in one long sitting but you probably don't want to. It's meant to be taken one chapter at a time, with each chapter fully savored and digested and not rushed through. Or, as the authors put it, "The slower you go, the faster you get there". Each chapter starts out with a 'mindfulness exercise" to get you focused on the topic at hand, then gets right to the point, and finishes with a series of self-study questions. The topics include What Is trauma?; Intrusive Symptoms; The 90/10 Reaction; Somatic Impact - Adaptation Gone Awry; Identity; Depression; Stopgap Coping; Reenactments; Compassion Fatigue; Treatment of Trauma; Closure.It is written as a self-help book for the reader, yet doesn't condescend or 'talk down' to the reader. It discusses the topics at a professional level yet in language the layman can understand. In addition, the Bibliography and "Suggested Readings" lists at the end of the book are absolutely amazing. They are my "to-do" list for the next several months. I give this book two thumbs up.
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Books
Feb 3, 2007 10:11:15 GMT -8
Post by portlander on Feb 3, 2007 10:11:15 GMT -8
As I mentioned above, the "Suggested Readings" list in the book Restoring Hope and Trust looks to be very promising. This is my "to-do" list for the next several months, I hope to get to each and every one of these.
Has anyone else here read any of these books and want to comment on them and/or discuss them ?
Adams, K. (1998). The way of the journal: a journal therapy workbook for healing. 2nd ed. Baltimore: Sidran Institute Press.
Allen, J.G. (2005). Coping with trauma: Hope through understanding. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Benson, H. (1975). The relaxation response. New York: Avon.
Burns, D.D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: William Morrow
Cohen, B.M., Barnes, M., and Rankin, A. (1995). Managing traumatic stress through art: Drawing from the center. Baltimore: Sidran Institute Press.
Dubovsky, S.L. (1997). Mind-body deceptions: The psychosomatics of everyday life. New York: Norton.
Herman, J.L. (1992). Trauma and recovery. New York: Basic Books
Hanh, T.N., (1991). Peace is every step: The path of mindfulness in everyday life. New York: Bantam.
Hanh, T.N. (1987). The miracle of mindfulness: A manual on meditation. Boston: Beacon Press.
Harris, M. (2004). The twenty-four carat Buddha and other fables: Stories of self-discovery. Baltimore: Sidran Institute Press.
Janoff-Bulman, R. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. New York: Delacorte Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New York: Hyperion.
Matsakis, A. (1996). Vietnam wives: Facing the challenges of life with veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress. Baltimore: Sidran Institute Press.
Terr, L. (1940). Unchained memories: True Stories of traumatic memories, lost and found. New York. Basic Books.
Vermilyea, E. (2000). Growing beyond survival: A self-help toolkit for managing traumatic stress. Baltimore: Sidran Institute Press.
Whybrow, P. (1997). A mood apart. New York: Basic Books.
Zerbe, K.J. (1993). The body betrayed: Women, eating disorders and treatment. Washington DC: American Psychiatric Press.
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Books
Mar 12, 2007 14:49:07 GMT -8
Post by nickatnite on Mar 12, 2007 14:49:07 GMT -8
hey , does anyone kno if there is a Covert Incest specialist or anyone like that ? is there like a phone number or something ?anything other than the 1.800 number ..
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Mar 18, 2007 20:41:08 GMT -8
Post by Moriji on Mar 18, 2007 20:41:08 GMT -8
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Books
Jan 16, 2008 21:44:34 GMT -8
Post by tulipa on Jan 16, 2008 21:44:34 GMT -8
I read a book over the weekend mentioned emotional abuse in it quite a bit wonder if anyone else has read it ..... its called 'Family Secrets, What You don't Know can Hurt You' by John Bradshaw ..... Some of it was a bit wishy washy for me , but overall it was very interesting about how secrets can affect you and how even if the secret is not openly said you can find yourself in the exact same situation as your parents.. an example of this was a man who was addicted to pornography and affairs didn't realize his dad had the same addictions... It also goes into doing genograms which were a bit complicated for my brain but I don't know if they would appeal to you Portlander ... The scary part is without telling your children your secrets they can be destined to repeat them etc. for expample if you have a dad who has affairs but it never openly said he does but covered up then your child could go on to marry a man who also has affairs .... The author also talked about his journey through recovery ... his dad left he was emotionally involved with his mum though i don't think he had the sexual element to it ... Anyway be interested in anyone elses opinions of it ..... thanks
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Books
Dec 16, 2008 2:02:07 GMT -8
Post by smr0182 on Dec 16, 2008 2:02:07 GMT -8
:)Im reading a book right now that is a Godsend. I bought it thinking it would be about just overt and was going to deal with that, but the writer describes sexual abuse and most of the situations are what is considered "covert." Cool thing is is there is no distinction between the two. I like that. The line is so fine between the two anyway. I asked my therapist if what I described was Covert Abuse and she said no theres no difference that is sexual abuse. Very affirming. Wow anyways this book is REALLY helpful so far..I recommend it to everyone. ""The Wounded Heart- Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan B Allender"" forwarded by Larry Crabb (The first couple of chapters are from a Christian perspective, but after that speaks as a psychologist so for those of you who are not Christian, this book is for u too.) I am very excited about this book so far : ) More helpful than Silently Seduced in my opinion.
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