Anybody else suffer from sibling abuse?

[sally]

Hi all, I just found this site.  Became aware of the abuse just in the last couple of weeks after some dreams I've been having.  A lot of memories came flooding of my older brother being very inappropriate with me when I was a kid.  Today he's a schizophrenic heroin addict and I suffer from borderline personality disorder: struggling with self-harm and promiscuity.  My family is a mess.  I was sad and disgusted to remember these things but I haven't been angry yet and I haven't even cried about it.  I have an appointment with a counsellor as well as a reiki therapist.

Besides weird games, walking in on me in the bathroom, regularly sleeping in my bed and cuddling with me, etc, I believe something happened with my feet.  I know that as an adult he has a foot fetish.  I've always been super protective of my feet; I also have a history of taking photographs of my own feet and picking at them.  I also hate hate hate being touched by anybody's feet.  I want to get to the bottom of this, har har, but no pun intended.  (I still have my sense of humour at least?)

Give me a shout if you can relate to sibling abuse or having your feet touched/looked at, etc.  Thank you in advance.

[naomi]

My dad used to hold my feet and talk to me about how when I was a baby, I used to fall asleep so quickly if my feet were held, and how I seemed to love that so much.

Though this wasn't previously one of the memories of how my dad behaved to me in a way that seemed sexual. Now, it has those overtones, because everything does. But, by itself, it seemed innocent at the time.

But I have noticed that having my feet touched or held is very sexual for me as an adult. It's something I discovered by accident. I wouldn't call it a fetish for me, and I do have other fetishes, just not that one.

I think feet are sensitive for a lot of people, so maybe being sensitive to the touch is somewhat normal?

Just remembered another thing -- as an older child, I went through a phase of absolutely refusing to take my shoes off to sleep. My mom would take them off and I would wake up to find this out and become very angry. Now I wonder why. I can't remember anything bad having happened, though. But I have reason to believe my dad might have done things to me while I was sleeping. Hmm...

As far as the sibling stuff. My brother did say and do some inappropriate things with me, but I feel like his stuff was maybe just unintentional as opposed to my dad's behavior seeming quite intentional at times. Though my brother shared inappropriate details intentionally with me when I was 15 (he was twice my age) about how he lost his virginity and how he saw prostitutes. Looking back on it, that was definitely wrong to talk to his younger sister about.

[sally]

Hi Naomi! Thank you for your response. Just wanted to know I wasn't the only one that is weird about feet.
I still can't go to sleep with my feet exposed at all. They must be covered by blankets.
I also recently got my first pedicure for a friend's wedding and it was excruciating! Felt disgusted during and afterwards.