New to Group & Learning About Emotional Incest

[marshy232]

Hello. I'm so glad I found this site and hope to get some support and learn from the experience of others. I have been struggling with my mom for years. I could never put my finger on what was so awful because she seems harmless enough to most people, albeit needy, kooky, and awkward. I have always known she is manipulative and a guilt-monger, and that she treated me like her partner, therapist, and only friend beginning around when I was 7--maybe earlier and I can't remember. I've always felt really uncomfortable when touched by her, and she can't respect any boundaries. Anyway, I just learned about the term emotional incest when trying to read up on Borderline Personality Disorder, something I'm sure my mom has. Emotional incest is precisely what happened and the affects continue to stunt me in my life--I'm now almost 30 with a husband, daughter, and son on the way. I think that the emotional incest dynamic is actually still at work. My interactions with my mom have become so unbearable, even when she's acting sweet, generous, and doting (qualities in her I've actually grown to hate at times) and I've tried so so so many different approaches to having a healthy relationship that I'm beginning to think my only options are tolerating this awful dynamic and its affect on me or cutting her out of my life. Both sound very very hard, very scary, and overwhelming enough that I'm trying not to simply shut down to all of this again. I don't even know where to begin. I would love to hear about the process of others, how other have successfully come out of/healed from/resolved this in their life. As a mother now myself I don't want to expose my children in any way to this awful syndrome or repeat it unknowingly. I think I've done a good job with my toddler so far being super conscious of my parenting and not doing what my mom does, but I still want to make sure I don't do what she did/does. Thanks in advance for reading and for the connection. 

[Moriji]

Dec 15, 2014 19:36:27 GMT -8 marshy232 said:

Hello. I'm so glad I found this site and hope to get some support and learn from the experience of others. I have been struggling with my mom for years. I could never put my finger on what was so awful because she seems harmless enough to most people, albeit needy, kooky, and awkward. I have always known she is manipulative and a guilt-monger, and that she treated me like her partner, therapist, and only friend beginning around when I was 7--maybe earlier and I can't remember. I've always felt really uncomfortable when touched by her, and she can't respect any boundaries. Anyway, I just learned about the term emotional incest when trying to read up on Borderline Personality Disorder, something I'm sure my mom has. Emotional incest is precisely what happened and the affects continue to stunt me in my life--I'm now almost 30 with a husband, daughter, and son on the way. I think that the emotional incest dynamic is actually still at work. My interactions with my mom have become so unbearable, even when she's acting sweet, generous, and doting (qualities in her I've actually grown to hate at times) and I've tried so so so many different approaches to having a healthy relationship that I'm beginning to think my only options are tolerating this awful dynamic and its affect on me or cutting her out of my life. Both sound very very hard, very scary, and overwhelming enough that I'm trying not to simply shut down to all of this again. I don't even know where to begin. I would love to hear about the process of others, how other have successfully come out of/healed from/resolved this in their life. As a mother now myself I don't want to expose my children in any way to this awful syndrome or repeat it unknowingly. I think I've done a good job with my toddler so far being super conscious of my parenting and not doing what my mom does, but I still want to make sure I don't do what she did/does. Thanks in advance for reading and for the connection. 

Welcome to the group!